Whispers In The Wind

Moved

2010-05-04T13:01:00.002-05:00

Well I have officially moved to Peppermint Drops.

Lucy Schwartz - Turn Back Around

2010-03-01T03:15:00.001-06:00

Final moments

2009-12-30T23:47:00.002-06:00

Well it's another end. It's been both good and bad but most of all extremely fast. But if I were to sum it all up, I would say that 09 has been amazing. Met up with those I've been out of touch with for so long and have had people in my life whom within a short period of time have come to mean so much to me. To them I owe so much for the great times and the support.

So with 24 hours left of 2009, I say...Thank you! It's been great!

2010...Bring it ON!

2009-12-21T21:52:00.002-06:00

I really can't believe Fall 09 is finally over. Really I can't even begin to describe how hectic I feel this semester has been, yet nothing of it was exactly out of the ordinary. Maybe it was the things happening around me. All I know is that I feel drained and wish nothing more than rest and stress free within the next 3 weeks.

*Sigh*

There's seriously too many things running through my head. I just need to organize them and decide my next step. Where do I start? Would this just lead to a repetition of the past?

Just As I Have Learned From You

2009-12-13T04:05:00.002-06:00

We learn a lot from the people around us. Despite being half crazed most of the time, I've learned a lot from those clowns who are always around. It really made me rethink things about myself. I just hope that, like them I do have something to offer to people as well. Not that it needs to be acknowledged, just that it would be nice to believe that there is something in me to offer just as they have.

At The Moment...

2009-12-07T22:41:00.003-06:00

I'm really pissed with someone. You really should have tried giving some better lame excuse. Wish I could throw a punch in your face. Make that two.

I Carry Your Heart With Me

2009-12-07T17:04:00.003-06:00

I poem by E.E Cummings I've always liked and forgot until now

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in

My heart) I am never without it (anywhere

I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

By only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear

No fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want

No world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

And the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

Higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

I'm Never Going To...

2009-12-07T00:56:00.002-06:00

Keep my thumb drives linked together by a keychain anymore. To think I thought I lost it with all my important assignments in it ended the last day of the semester real bad. *Sigh* Friday still sounds like a 'The dog ate my homework" day.

Worse of all, I just found out that it was in my backpack the whole time. Damn!

Poison and Wine

2009-11-16T01:08:00.006-06:00

Heard this song while watching Grey's Anatomy Season 6 Episode 9 and just thought that I had to have it. Plus the lyric is...well let's say seems like something close to heart.

You only know what I want you to

I know everything you don't want me to

Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine

Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine

Oh I don't love you but I always will

I always will

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

The less I give the more I get back

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

I don't have a choice but I still choose you

Oh I don't love you but I always will

I always will

Happy Birthday Ah Sin

2009-10-30T21:31:00.003-05:00

Today is Ah Sin's birthday. Almost 7 years since he's gone and went away. He was so full of life when he was alive. Always with a smile. Never have I ever remembered him without one. Every single time I pass by Sin Sang Lee to turn to wave he always smiled and waved. What he and Sainty had together for that 6 years, was something I could only dream and wish on having.

But enough about the sad stuff. What I really wanted to say is that even in death Ah Sin has thought me something. He's thought how short life is. How, we should grasp every single moment and just live. Sometimes, I think back about the last time we went out together before Sainty flew back to KL. I remember glancing at the rear mirror and seeing them happy with each other.

I wish I have what they had. Well...maybe I did have the chance to have it, but knowing me I need more than a shake to make me realize it before regretting things and wishing for a second chance. I don't mean I want to settle down, just perhaps...something...I guess.

Anyway Happy Birthday Ah Sin. 7 years really does fly by. We think of you from time and to time and we hope that you're having a blast up there with Alfie.

Where Do I Go From Here?

2009-10-07T23:16:00.004-05:00

It's been a long time since I updated my blog. A lot has been going on and of course that that hasn't as well. Back in Ames again and going on week 7 into classes. Another busy semester...yada...yada...same old...same old.

I'm still plagued about the choices I made over summer or more like the choices I didn't make. I really do have to put pride aside. Do I regret what I've done? Well of course I do. I should have listened when they said that Summer is too long to leave things. Plus they were right when they said I could have both and not just one or the other. I knew they were right about it, but then again like I said it was pride that kept me from doing what I really wanted.

So what do I do now that it's too late? Make amends or just leave things aside? A part of me wants fate to determine the next move, but since when has fate been the problem solver? Fate only moves in the direction you want it to be. I still have to make the first move for it and let things go the way it is meant to be.

I really wish things were easy. Maybe they are if I just learn from my lesson and put pride aside (as what Chloe and Rachel keeps saying). But perhaps it is too late. I thought I was done and through with it a few weeks ago. Now...now I think that I was just telling myself that so that I won't blame myself. I'm not through with it. I just really don't know what my next moves are or what they should be.

I wish it were easier to give myself advice to follow through. I tell Sainty what she should do with how things are with Benny. Yet, I can't seem to find a solution for myself. I'm in a much less complicated situation in comparison. That's one thing I have to admire about her. She has the guts and determination to go through with what her heart is set for. I on the other hand deliberate too much. I know the answer, I just can't seem to have the guts to put things into motion. I know what I crave for, but pride always seem to keep me away from doing it.

So really now, where do I go from here?

Trials and Tribulations

2009-07-18T14:30:00.007-05:00

*raises glass* Here's to an effing life!

I've come to a place in life where it's either this or that and nothing in between. Unfortunately unlike the ones that I've been through before, this one plagues me no end. I'm pressured to making a decision and either way, not making one is killing me as much as making one. Truth be told, I really don't know where to go from here.

Advices and opinions that come pouring in doesn't seem as helpful. I'm not ungrateful, but both makes a lot of sense equally. In the end, I'm left debating all my points and their points and still very much indecisive in my decision.

I really wish that I could just push matters aside. The only thing is that, day by day it occupies a bigger part of what is on my mind. Being busy doesn't help, going home makes things worse since there's nothing much to do, and everything I did this weekend that helped lessen it if not all really went to waste after coming back home. A new hairdo and shopping barely made a dent to this steely feeling. It's been another expensive weekend; one I can't afford to repeat a third time around.

I've finally come to understand that annoying *slits wrist* expression. I used to be so annoyed about it, but in the past few days it's the only thing that seems to pop into mind. No, I'm not being suicidal here nor am I using it for the same reason the last person I knew who used it. I'm just saying that it's been popping a lot in my head recently and I don't know why but it does complement my current mood and worries.

*rolls eyes* Cheers...

A little prayer

2009-07-14T05:26:00.002-05:00

I often forget in my good times the abundance of blessings God has given me. I'm ashamed to say that for the past 6 months I have hardly attended mass especially whenever my heart feels heavy. I succumb to the rationale of better staying away given the lack of attention during mass by the burdens in my heart. I've forgotten the calmness I normally feel whenever I'm in church. The feeling that being alone in my worries, the pain of my heavy heart, the confusions in my mind are always made more bearable sitting in the pews. Yet despite my absence in church, God has never left my side and reaches to me through friends and family. Always in his own way he let's me know his love and presence in my life. Here I share a short prayer someone sent me today. A prayer that came to me after a day burdened with things my heart has been bearing for quite sometime.

Father,

I ask you to bless my friends reading this right now.
I am asking You to minister to their spirit at this very moment.
Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy.
Where there is self doubting, release a renewed confidence to work through them.
Where there is spiritual stagnation, I ask You to renew them by revealing Your nearness, and by drawing them into greater intimacy with You.
Where there is fear, reveal Your love, and release to them Your courage.
Bless their finances, give them greater vision, and raise up leaders and friends to support and encourage them.
Give each of them discernment to recognize the evil forces around them, and reveal to them the power they have in You to defeat it.
I ask you to do these things in Jesus' name.

Tower and Shelter Like No Other...

2009-07-09T12:10:00.003-05:00

I don't know what made me visit Sher's blog tonight.

But I found what I needed to hear.

I found the very words that despite all my confusions, my worries and my trouble;

Despite being lost,

Despite all the tears for the past few weeks,

There's always a place, a person to turn to...

To just find my way back home.

"Your name, is a strong and mighty tower,

Your name is a shelter like no other...

cause nothing has the power to save but Your name"

~Paul Baloche - Your Name~

2009-07-05T03:25:00.002-05:00

It's been a really good weekend. For the first time since everything has happened I'm feeling much calmer. I've been distracted and pretty much too occupied to think about it. Most of all...I've slept.I've forgotten what it's like to have such a restful sleep instead of just sleep. It really was the right decision to stay over at Edna's place for the weekend.

Pure Boredom

2009-06-30T03:49:00.003-05:00

OMG...the BOREDEOM of it all!!!!!! I'm seriously dying here at the office with nothing to do. I've made all the calls...I've finished the report of yesterday's meeting and now I'm stuck with nothing to do. I've done everything that needs to be done and I'm really feeling bored right now.

Finally I understand Sip Chen's belly aching about being bored in the office. Seriously, please just give me something to do. It doesn't seem nice to be seating here reading my book although I'm really itching to continue reading it. There's nothing much to surf online, since I really have no idea what to surf for anyway.

That's it. The moment the clock turns 5.30pm, I'll punch my card and walk out the door. Oh the boredom...the BOREDOM.....

Love and Light...RIP

2009-06-25T20:06:00.006-05:00

I got the news of MJ's death on the radio in the car this morning. By the time I reached the office my Facebook and Twitter pages were already flooded with condolences from friends and by noon memorial signing for him was already set up on FB. His death pretty much over shadowed the news of Farrah Fawcett's passing, who is more likely to be remembered in the 1970's Charlie's Angels.

Being brought up with MJ's songs (and country songs and oldies) and my parents reminiscing about the TV series Charlie's Angels, I wish I could say that I mourned with the other millions the lost of two talents; but the only thing that ran through my mind was 'go out and LIVE your life'. The same thing that ran through my mind when I got to know about Catherine's passing.

There's so many things in the past, which I wish I did or at least had the guts to do. Most of the time, my gutsy feeling kicks in just a little too late. So yeah, here I am on a Friday determined to make a new resolution (even if it is a little too late into the year). From now on, it's about making the best of things and not over thinking stuff. And maybe...just maybe...I'll learn to swallow a bit more of my pride and not let it stand in the way of something I've sworn I've learned my lesson from close ones; where too late is all about regrets and bittersweet memories locked in a drawer, brought out once in a while drawing nothing but tears and pain.

First In Line

2009-06-23T23:03:00.003-05:00

There's so many things on my mind. Being swamped with work doesn't seem to be helping much in pushing them out. Most of the time they lurk somewhere at the back despite my needing my utmost attention at work.

So what's a girl gotta do? OK well been listening to Matthew Mayfield - First In Line over and over again for the past two days. Pathetic? Yup I hear ya. If my Ipod could say something it would have long since told me to change to another song or just kill it already. But the thing is that the song kind of have this really calming effect.

I really can't wait for Sainty to get here next month. We've both already have the whole evening planned out. Dinner, a bottle of wine or champagne and a whole night of catching up over the past year. So many things have happened since we've left high school. Sometimes I wonder if I really am my age or should I be older because of all that has happened.

Igrid Michaelson

2009-06-17T03:32:00.005-05:00

I've always loved this song...and I just loved this version by Igrid Michaelson. Those who watch OTH would know this song from Lucas' and Peyton's wedding ceremony.

In Loving Memory of Teacher Catherine Yong

2009-06-16T03:30:00.003-05:00

We are reminded how fragile our lives are everytime someone we know passes away. How sudden deaths make us stop in our tracks and reexamine our lives. We realize once again how short life is...that it takes not only the old but the young as well. That at this young age, we aren't invincible after all.

I don't have much memories of Teacher Cath, since I was only in SFX for a year and a half. So unlike my other ex-schoolmates, I didn't have the privilege of being taught by her, except the privilege of knowing her. It's sad that only now, being much older do I actually start to appreciate my teachers back in school. Only now do I realize that their sarcasm didn't really matter much because they were the ones that normally got me all fired up to prove them wrong. Darn reverse psychology! *smiles*

Hearing about her passing just reopened all those worries and fears. It reminded me to live. To appreciate the people around me and to let those I love know how much they mean to me and how much I love them. I never want the regret of never having told someone how much they've meant to me. I don't want knowing that I let pride stand in my way and never get back something again because it was too late. I just want to live and feel alive.

I hope her soul is at peace and that her husband and family find solace from the love and support of relatives and friends.

The Right Time

2009-06-02T05:26:00.005-05:00

There are times in life when the rule 'The Right Time' does not apply. When you need to just follow your heart and take the plunge into whatever it is that brings you happiness. I didn't use to think that way, and I thought Bren crazy when she told me she was getting married the same day I got to know she was in a relationship. She then proceeded to ask me, "So when is the right time?" I replied her, "Later". She prompted me again, "When is later? There would always be a later. There's no such thing as the right time. It feels right now..."

Today chatting with Michelle on Facebook reminded me again about that conversation. It's true...when is the right time? There's always reasons to not do something, to say it isn't the right time even if everything is already in place. Spontaneity might not necessarily be spontaneous if you get what I mean. Like Bren, Mich followed her heart. I thought it was a joke when I saw her status on FB. In her place, I would not have had the guts to do it. Even with the right guy, I doubt I would have because being me, my heart and my mind always say two different things. But Michelle, she followed her heart, grabbed this wonderful chance to be with the person who completes her...and is getting hitched in Chile this Thursday. I really can't be any more happy for her than what I feel now.

Yup...that's the happy couple. Michelle looks so radiantly happy here...and of course this picture was taken before the engagement. But she looks so blissfully happy here...just like the very person who found the right one.

I've seen missed chances. I've seen time so short, that everything was gone in a blink of the eye. I've seen regrets and wishes of turning back time. I've seen people left with only bittersweet memories. It's not what I would want for myself. But sometimes, I do see myself heading in that direction...and that scares me and makes me more paranoid than what I already am *smiles*

And back to Bren...well she's happily married with twin boys who can't be any more adorable. So yes...when is the right time? They took the chance and they're both as happy as can be. I'm not ready to get married (God FORBID!), but I am ready and would want to take the plunge into whatever that makes me happy. There really isn't the right time...the perfect time...because the heart knows what feels right...what it is to feel home and happy, the mind just debates the rationale of it...but when all you feel is content, maybe it is the time to tell the mind to slow down and just embrace what the heart knows what feels perfectly right.

*Mich...sorry...pinjam first la your picture with Miguel.

Happiness!

2009-05-28T00:23:00.003-05:00

Things really are different when you're happier. You look different, you sound different (well ok...that's pretty much obvious)...and even the way you chat seems way more chirpy (apparently). I never did realize that until coming back home over the summer and having close friends saying how I seem much happier with my life now. I have to say they couldn't be more RIGHT!

Last semester was a total chaos for me. Not only was I depressed most weekends, but half of my mind was always occupied with worries that I could have done very much without. Back then getting up and putting up a happy demeanor was simply exhausting...and once everything just fell apart I went from tired to seriously almost nearing nervous breakdown (or maybe I did). The slightest thing made me cry, which of course surprised those closest to me and just made them worry especially since they weren't somewhere nearby. Well whatever it is...I'm just glad that episode is over and good riddance to it.

I guess this semester have got to be the best. For once, I actually decided to take things slow and easy without a stick up my arse. Yeah...there were times when all those tests and deadlines were killing me, but nothing huge or crazy. I'm glad I had all those people around me this semester to actually keep all the cheer - both new and old. As for those who mean a lot to me in ISU...well no names need to be mentioned. You guys know who you are =)

And...that slight dip in my grade...TOTALLY WORTH IT! (I know it sounds crazy coming from me...even for me)

2009-05-26T08:06:00.002-05:00

I'm exhausted! The only reason I'm actually blogging is because I can't get my butt out of bed. Work was pretty interesting today. Went on field for the first time, since Terry thinks that it's time I learned something other than sit at the office and make calls the whole day. Mom thought that meant I was going into some jungle, forgetting the fact that this daughter of hers is unfortunately not the outdoor, jungle trekking, mud loving kind of person. I've had enough of that growing up and going on those office-family outings.

Anyway back to what I was saying...

Meeting up with potential clients really is interesting. I only wished that I've already had the time to buy myself new pair of shoes. My heels practically killed me. Every time I managed to sit down, I was just so relieved that my poor feet had time to rest. Plus walking down the stairs and uneven roads/sidewalks is a real challenge. Anyway, I had to deal talking to one of the most unfriendliest people ever. Enough to make me not ever wanting to work in the sales department involving this kind of industry.

No...no...no...I still love my major. I'm still not going to consider changing it. I just wished that I got the chance to practice French over the summer. I guess I should start practicing with Andrew K. If only I had the time to go for French classes here. I just feel that soon I'm gonna end up staying at the office til late.

*Urgh* I had better get my lazy butt out of bed. Need to get started with work. Deadline...deadline...

Saturday Is Not For Work

2009-05-22T19:56:00.005-05:00

So it's a Saturday and here I am sitting at my desk in the office. Mosquito bitten, over dressed (I didn't know Saturday meant we could wear t-shirts and bermuda pants) and not even 9am I'm already looking forward to 1pm when I get off work and head home for an afternoon of shopping and later a 'righteous' nap (ZiTing, 2009)

I really can't wait to hang out with a new bunch of people Jo introduced to me last night. If it's going to be anything like last night, then I'm definitely sure that it's forecasting to be an absolutely awesome Saturday night. That, coupled with the probability of meeting the ever so hyper Ms Phoon is enough for me to cancel going back to Edna's for the weekend and just meet up for lunch/dinner sometime tomorrow. Hahaha...

Yesterday evening was simply what I needed after a long week. I'm glad we ditched the idea of Angels and Demons and just hung out at TGIF almost the whole evening. I can't remember the last time I've had so much fun hanging out with a really funny mixed crowd. All those tales and funny antics was really just the best dosage to help me kick off my weekend and look forward to tonight. Thanks to Camille, I'm definitely going to Zouk just to see how he can transform from RAWR! to Purrrrrr....

Well that's a whole day planned and it's 9am so it's time to start work - a whole pile of handbook contract.

End of Spring 2009...when we put the nerd on

2009-05-09T21:19:00.005-05:00

I can't believe it's the end of the semester and it's already time to go home. It seems like the 9 months since I got here was just 9 weeks ago. After such a bad Fall 08 semester, I'm just really happy that Spring 09 by far exceeded my expectations. Truth be told, much as I"m happy that the semester's over and that it's time to go home for summer, part of me really loved this semester and everything that came with it. The only bad thing I can think about is packing...*urgh* the bane of my existence.

I'm really going to miss Freddy...

The very last night of studying in Coover...

Andrew on YouTube...

Chloe studying for Math

Thanks for the 3.30am sushi and ice cream!!!

Wooi Hau on McD delivery for the night...

Andrew....

Chloe's break from Math...

Zi Ting's hungry face...

Out of Boredom

2009-05-05T02:05:00.002-05:00

Out of boredom in the evening...I came up with this...after locating the places I live in back home (Sabah) on Google Earth. Chloe thinks I just really don't have anything better to do...I couldn't agree more...hahaha...

The Small Things...

2009-05-04T22:41:00.004-05:00

It's not the big gestures I crave,

They're not the ones that mean most,

They're the ones that happen occasionally,

On birthdays, anniversaries or surprises.

It's the small things that matters most,

Those things deemed so insignificant,

It's them I think about,

It's them that makes me smile.

It's the small things I'm scared of losing,

Their absence...

Is the loudest silence,

Their absence...

Marks a lost I can never bear...

Because we're just plain camwhores to begin with...

2009-04-14T12:03:00.008-05:00

Well here are some pictures from Drake's MASA Night 2009. Still can't believe the amount of Taylor-ians over there! Chloe and I were amazed how it seemed to be back in Taylor's again. But the night was fun and it was great to catch up with the Taylor people and those from the Spring Break...namely our Little Ball of Sunshine aka Jason.

The soon-to-be housemates

Where Chloe and I realized how tall Zi Ting actually is...

Because restrooms always have better lighting...

with Andrew...

with some Drake Taylor-ians

All I have to say is...

2009-04-10T15:30:00.003-05:00

The day really just began with annoyance. Was late for French class for 10 minutes, but then it was the first time in the whole semester so...yeah. As for my presentation, I just couldn't wait for it to be over and I'm betting that I was talking as though I was competing against the world's fastest talker. Later what happened after English class is just...*sigh* well...let's just say it would have been nice if it were possible to erase it.

The colloquialism "Kicking myself in the butt" really fits. I'm just glad that the bus ride home more or less cleared my head a bit. What I would really need now though is to talk to Joanna on the phone. I wish it wasn't so late back home...so much for looking forward to a Friday...

Happy Good Friday and Easter...

The Worrier

2009-03-30T23:13:00.002-05:00

Aarati says I worry too much. She's right. I can't help it though. Sometimes I think it's what I do best. Funny how this thing is really bugging me now and making me worried as ever. I seriously wished it were over; I guess worry took its place instead. Maybe things would be fine in a few days.

Pala said I've turned into a softy. Jo said I've always been one and the toughie was just an act. That's because it was ok to be such a girl in front of her. I tried being a meanie a couple of times over the past week. It only made me feel worse than ever. It doesn't necessarily means I'm a softy...I just changed. I can still be that person when really ticked. This however, just didn't warrant it.

Still feeling tons of worry. Add a touch of guilt to it...but it needed to be said. Just wish I didn't have this nagging worry feeling.

Signed,

The Worrier

2009-03-25T09:36:00.003-05:00

It's been a real long while since I've last posted something on my blog. Every single time I feel like writing something I end up posing my fingers above the keyboard and end up with nothing. But today, today I finally do have something to say and to think I should be using this time to do some last minute going over for my French test.

Well...first week back from Spring Break, and the weather couldn't be more uncooperative. Sure it reflects the after break mood, but a little sunshine could help cheer the mood. The weeks really seems draggy and long and the four tests I'm having this week certainly doesn't help in the least. The good thing however is that I've went to church this Sunday. I've actually forgotten how calm I feel in church, and how whatever troubles I have doesn't seem that bad once I'm there. So sitting there at the back row on Sunday evening was really what I needed especially with the thing that's been bothering me so much.

The best part of finding myself back to church? I remember once again that the Lord doesn't leave you no matter what. That at a time where you begin to forget his presence and feel lost and troubled, he helps you draw strength from the people around you. That you once again feel blessed to have all these wonderful people who just by presence sends you the Lord's message.

I finally feel much calmer then I've been on Sunday night and Monday. I feel that I finally know what to do and have made my decision on it. Perhaps I did change after that bad episode I went through last year, but I do hope that the change doesn't mean that I'm a much weaker person than I was before it.

Counting the days....

2009-03-05T19:24:00.003-06:00

till Spring Break! I really can't wait to go to Chicago. I've already been good enough for staying back during Winter Break, which I still don't know how I managed to. So now, I think I really deserve this break plus the fact that I can't wait to hang out with my girls.

Today's been such a beautiful day! I didn't even need my hoodie to walk around. Hahaha...and to think in Malaysia at 14C I would have been freezing. Now I just have no idea how am I gonna adapt to Sandakan weather again. Thank goodness I'm only spending a month there. Just enough time to spend with the family and not get bored to death in the place.

So what else is new? Well the fact that I don't have much to do is something new. I feel so lost not being busy. I have all this time on my hands and I really don't know what to do with it. Well I would spend it watching tons of movies if it weren't for the fact that my laptop has been dying on me. But I have been reading again, and it's good to be back into it even if progress really is slow.

Hurm...Friday tomorrow...maybe I should have meat today for dinner. Hahahaha...and put a reminder for myself that meat is a NO NO NO for tomorrow. Urgh....*stretches* I just love it when the weekend rolls in again. C'est parfait, n'est ce pas?

Lazy Friday

2009-02-27T18:51:00.005-06:00

I've been so swamped with work since my last entry and finally it's Friday (again) and this time knowing that there's no major tests or assignments within the next 2 weeks before Spring Break. So here I am on a very cold Friday evening, at my table, listening to Come What May - OST Moulin Rouge, blogging.

It's really been a crazy week; Down with the flu with three tests to study for, caught in an extremely long meeting and a four page long marketing essay to write on. So seriously, I am simply relieved that it's the weekend again. I know that I said I love being busy, which is of course true but of course that also includes having enough rest as well, which I've barely had since like in about 5 weeks. And for the past few days, I actually think that my body is giving in to tiredness because I've missed my alarm clock twice (an incoming text message could normally wake me up).

I really have no idea what I'll be doing this evening. Working on my assignments seem to just take the weekend mood away for tonight. I guess my next best option is to do one of my TV series marathon or get lost in that Nelson DeMille book I'm currently reading. Yeah...yeah...that sounds more like it...

*Stretches* Well...off to take a shower...

Monday Blues

2009-02-16T20:25:00.004-06:00

Today I had one hell of a heart attack when Wooi Hau told me that we were going to have another MIS330 test this Wednesday. That would have left me with 2 nights to study and a whole day of regret for procrastinating the whole Sunday afternoon. Thank goodness I saw Carien and who said it was next week. At least that gives me more time to study for those 3 chapters.

Anyway Valentine's weekend was really nice. I baked the whole Friday midnight until about 4 something in the morning, got off work early on Saturday and actually managed a nap before going back to preparing the tiny Valentine's gifts. Went over to the girls' apartment to exchange gifts and later off to Yi Herng's to have dinner with the guys. It really was a great Valentine's in a long time. Oh and Dave gave me that Rochas Lumiere perfume, which I've been searching high and low for years. So between cupcakes, cookies, flan, chicken rice dinner and perfume...all was definitely good *smile*

Here's a little something to end this entry. It's a song by Melissa Etheridge called Glorious. I know it's a christmas song, but I more or less stumbled upon it when watching the TV Series Brothers & Sisters (which by the way is nice). I've been listening to it over and over again since yesterday. Too bad I can't download songs from here so that means I can't upload it to my iPod, unless some really generous Samaritan takes pity on me and sends it to me. *LOL* Fat chance!

Oui, je parle un peu français

2009-02-05T02:27:00.004-06:00

I know how I've kept saying to myself how much I would love to try to blog in French. Still, my French is still too limited for me to actually blog. So just to make me feel good I'm posting my essay homework instead. For those of you who speaks French, yes I know it sounds like a 10 year old's essay. Cut me some slack please...

Mon cherie,

Merci beaucoup de toi lettre. J’ai été très heureux lire votre lettre. La plupart du temps je suis très active et très occupée parce qu’il y a toujours tant de étudie à faire chaque jour.

D’habitude, pendant la semaine, j'ai des classes chaque jour et j’ai travaille deux fois par semaine. Je déjeuner avec mes amis à Memorial Union alors que je vais à la maison. Le soir, j’ai étudie dans ma chambre. Normalement, je mange dine pendant que j’étudie. J’étudie pendant six heures chaque soir. Je dors à deux heures demi, quelquefois je dors à trois heures. J’ai beaucoup de mes devoirs chaque jour. Oh, mon dieu!

Pendant le week-end dernier, j’ai sors avec mes amis le vendredi soir au cinéma. Ensuite, nous allons chez mon amie pour écouté la musique. Enfin j'ai chez moi pour dormi. Le samedi matin, je me lève tôt pour travaillé. Apres travaille je m’amuse avec mes amis chez eux. Nous allons joué aux cartes et nous regardé un film à la télévision. Dimanche matin, j'ai à l’église seule. Ensuite, je déjeuné seule chez moi pendant je fait la lessive. L’après-midi, je fait mes devoirs et j’étudié à la bibliothèque.

Ma semaine n'est normalement pas intéressante. C’est la vie, n’est-ce pas ? Et vous ? Qu’est-ce que vous-avez la semaine et le week-end ?

Bonne semestre !

Votre Amie,

Cynthia

So that's basically how far I go in French. It's still full of mistake because I have to admit I forgot all about it until a few hours before class. Hahahaha...yup that's me the all time procrastinator! But, this time it was because I've been pretty much swamped with tests. Well back to reading pages and pages of boring facts. Darn!

A Little Last Week's Something :)

2009-02-01T20:08:00.006-06:00

So here's a week overdue of last week's pictures. I have to say I love these pictures. It was taken at Phillip's place over at Mayfield. The best part of that night's fun was that it was a very much spontaneous alternative to the evening's plan. So who says you need clubs and or tons of people to have an equal-to-party fun? But I can't deny that last night's party really was one of the more fun ones *smiles*

Enlightening Night

2009-01-31T08:54:00.010-06:00

So I know and am completely aware that it's a week past the due date to my promising to blog. In my defense, I was horribly busy last weekend and even the weekend didn't bring in the much needed sleep for me. But I have to say that it was well spent and as for sleep...nyeh!

Anyway the reason I'm spending my early Saturday morning is because I had a really enlightening educational experience last night (hahahaha...). We went to this somewhat what our mothers would call a "Tupperware" party. You know where they show all the latest tupperwares or maybe those new kitchen stuff get together they always have? Well this was certainly a get together at looking for new things but definitely not something for the household. Hahahaha...I'll leave the pictures as a clue.

Just some of the things that were on display for last night. No...no...they're not perfumes or body lotions. Well some of them are but hurm...continue to scroll down.

Yup! These were part of the stuffs too. Getting a bit more idea here *wink*. Nothing like vibrators and handcuffs to spice the bedroom scene huh???

Well here's a little something I'll leave to your imagination and guessing. Just feel free to guess and I'll see if you come up with the right answer.

This cute birdie thing doesn't only look cute, but serves a very fulfilling purpose too. LOL

And here we are with our penis shaped candies. They were mint flavored. Too bad there wasn't the boobies shaped ones last night.

A whip, handcuffs and penis pen tops. Who said deciding to stay in Friday night was necessarily boring anyway??

Chloe trying out one of the lingeries. And yeah they're over her clothes, but then they had a strict no trying policy and well if she had then there wouldn't be this picture.

So yup! That was Friday night for us girls. So much for saying that it was meant for studying. We stayed there until a little before midnight. I came back did a little studying but was started to fall asleep with my notes. So well that explains this really early saturday morning blogging.

2009-01-21T21:37:00.002-06:00

I really want to blog...but I've been nothing but exhausted this week. *big smile* It's nice to be this busy again despite having to sleep late and be tired. I promise to blog this weekend. At the moment I'm just so exhausted from a really long day. My own mistake; I accidentally signed up for 2 duties for AKPsi without realizing the dates. Thank goodness it didn't clash! Till this weekend!

KICKOFF

2009-01-18T11:43:00.004-06:00

After a week of classes, I finally feel the semester kicking off. Work load has already begun the warm up to a really hectic semester ahead. Strange as it seems, the workload offers me a kind of comfort of being back to familiar grounds. After last semester, I pretty much feel that it's time to get my head back together and the winter break was the very thing I needed to just pull everything back into place.

So I'm honestly welcoming the whole pile of workload. I'm loving 3 of my classes this sem and I just can't wait to get rid of library and I'm pretty much using this long weekend to complete all 5 assignments. I just really hope I'm going manage doing it, because I still haven't looked at what's due for French. Hahahaha...this really can't be happening! It's only the first week and I'm already procrastinating? A resolution should be made even if it's late in the day.

I'm glad Zi Ting threw a party on Friday. It was just a good ending to the busy week and kickoff to the beginning of this semester. Now I just can't wait for the kari laksa dinner at Micky's. That's just going to be another yummy one. Micky always cooks the best food...hehehe...

2009-01-15T01:21:00.003-06:00

Here are just a couple of pictures I think are simply adorable.

Melodie in her ISU cheerleading outfit with matching pompoms.

Babeng with the christmas wreath around her neck. I think she looks amazingly funny even if she did hate having it hanging on her neck.

COLD COLD WINTER DAY

2009-01-15T00:14:00.005-06:00

Day 3 of classes and it's not any better than day 1. In fact the weather is going from worse to worst and an upcoming torturous.

The day began with me being late for class. I'm still trying to figure out how did that happen because the last time I checked I was still on time. Thank goodness I didn't miss the bus. But the wind...the wind was horrible! First of all it was blowing at an average of 30km/h and with it blew those snow on the ground and trees and a feels like temperature of -30C to boot! So thank goodness I got Khuan to help me buy my contacts or it'll be crazy to wear glasses.

Anyway, I was 5 mins late for French. I barely managed to catch my breath before the levvez vous began. I think we had about 5 rounds of that today and all I wanted was to answer ASAP because I wanted to sit down and catch my bloody breath. Though, I have to say I stand corrected about John Pierre's class. I'm actually beginning to enjoy them despite of the levvez vous.

So after French I had 10 mins to figure out where Roberts Hall was and to make an amazingly quick dash over there in the cold wind. The rule of the game though was to not slip and fall on my big flat butt and to get there in record time. Thank goodness that girl from class (I have to find out her name) walked me all the way to MU and sort of pointed me into the right way even if I was just confused with her directions. Half way between MU and Roberts, to which I was confused which building to go to I asked this guy who was walking past me where Roberts was. He turned out to be from Carien's (and some other few) class and was really really nice. He decided to walk back with me to Roberts even though at that point he could have just pointed out the building to me (OK let me dwell here for a moment and be perasan). The rest of the class was kinda boring though, since I haven't gotten my book for the class yet.

Next class - MIS 330. Again another walk in the cold. It was seriously really cold and I desperately needed to pee, so I guess that made it feel colder. I was practically freezing while walking because I was sans scarf and long johns since I was late and could barely manage to walk. Thank goodness MIS was interesting and Marketing class right after was fun too.

After class I checked out my to-do-list:

Officially register for LSCM 360
Print out notes for MIS 330, LSCM 360
Bookstore to get LSCM 360 textbook (which was unfortunately sold out - babi-fied to the max!)

After all that I was just really happy to head back home with Carien. I did later brave the outside again to take the trash out, which I wouldn't have done if it wasn't because I couldn't stand it already. And I have to say I'm proud of myself over this small achievement because i had to wade in above knee deep of snow.

The rest of the evening was pretty much plain old boring after the day I had; forgot dinner; procrastinated up to now; achieving only in arranging my notes. Since I really don't feel like reading anything and don't have my LSCM 360 textbook and no French class tomorrow, plus still feeling quite cold (my housemates are made for the cold) I think I'll hit the bed.

Bonne nuit!

SPRING SEMESTER - DAY 1

2009-01-12T22:03:00.004-06:00

Day 1 of Spring Semester and I have to say that snow is definitely not synonymous with first day of classes. Neither is it even remotely related.

Today basically involved a lot of walking and back to back classes, and so would it remain until the end of the semester. I had to walk from Gerdin to Pearson twice in an hour, in the snow and nothing frustrates me more than having the snow blow in my face and envying those long legged people walking really fast past by me.

After that began my back to back classes, which later ended at 3pm. I have to say I was pretty much relieved knowing that classes were over for the day except Carien decided that I should walk around more before heading home. Hahahaha...and so we did. By the time I got home I was so hungry and the first thing I did after changing was to cook myself Maggie. I just love how those things taste after a long day and coming home hungry.

Took a nap about an hour later (so going to get fat from that) and barely remembered nor know what I texted Ruey since I was sleeping. Woke up and prepared dinner for me and my housemates as a Welcome Back dinner. Talked to Dhaya on the phone, did the laundry and here I am supposedly studying but blogging instead. So what's new about that?

WHININGS

2009-01-11T22:31:00.003-06:00

In the tradition of the typical student I whine to the fact that the semester begins tomorrow. With back to back classes, meeting with my advisor, and thick snow on the ground I want nothing more than to snuggle under my covers and sleep in. I'm still wondering where did the 3 weeks of break go.

Anyway, I'll soon be posting pictures from winter break. Don't think I'll be posting it up on Facebook. I'm glad I did have fun during the break and some quiet time for myself. If only it didn't end that soon. I'm guessing that another week and that holiday list, which was planned about 2 weeks before break would really have been checked and done to every last detail.

THE CLOSING OF WINTER BREAK

2009-01-08T01:25:00.004-06:00

I really can't believe how it's already down to the last few days of the winter break. I feel like I've barely achieved anything on my holiday list. Most disappointing is that I never even managed to finish even ONE book. I did however spend a bomb on shopping, although I have to say that I don't think I regret spending it. Consider it retail therapy and money well spent.

One week into the new year. I think I'm doing pretty okay if not fine. I've packed almost all of last year's things and had them stored out of sight and for those I haven't, I'm really slowly getting there. Maybe a few more weeks and everything would be kept away.

Basically now, quoting an overused expression, I'm bored almost out of my pants. It's the first night among many nights that I've stayed home the whole evening. It's nice and pretty much like the old times. Not the old time I-just-have-to-do-something/a-date-to-keep-online, but more like I'm free to do what I want and not have my mind having a hundred things running through it at almost light speed. Plus for once it actually seems like my own time.

It's been a short 3 weeks. Part of me wants it to end, but a part of me wants another round of this break. I'm always indecisive when it comes to these things :) but maybe what I need is a whole new different break, which is why I can't wait for summer to come.

2009-01-04T01:52:00.005-06:00

I'm finally able to sleep again. What a relief! I hope that this last week of break would really be the time when I can finally catch up with my sleep. I kept saying it during exam week and the beginning of break but never really managed to. Turning into one hell of a crazy insomniac. Bring out those sleep-ease pills. I need to stop walking around looking like a panda.

*fingers crossed* I hope I didn't say it too soon. It has been only a day anyway since I managed to sleep.

p/s: I burned the past yesterday. It was a childish thing to do...but it was a relief and it felt good. Thanks for being there to help me do it :) and you know who you are.

The new year tagging game

2009-01-01T17:48:00.003-06:00

Well here goes nothing Sheila. At least something to do since I've been super bored ever since I finished cleaning the apartment.

RULES:~Bold the statements that are true for you. Italicise the statements that you wish are true. Leave the fibs alone. Then, tag 5 people to do the same test.~

I miss somebody right now.
I do not watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I have tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I curse.
I’m totally smart.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I’m paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn’t survive without Caller ID.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I am a pretty good dancer.
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I’ve rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I am not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I’m shy around members of the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
I have tried alcohol before.
I own the South Park movie.
I would die for my best friend.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I am happy at this moment.
I’m obsessed with girls.
I’m obsessed with boys.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
I study for tests most of the time.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I’m proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake’s slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I’ve written in.
I can’t stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I have jazz in my blood.
Climbing trees is a brilliant pastime.
I wear a toe ring.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I’m an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I am an adrenaline junkie.
I love being happy.

----------------------------------------------------------

Tagging Michelle Tan, Faye Henry, Joe Cheah, Jess Andreana, May Hon and Ruey (if he ever reads this)

final words of 2008

2008-12-31T14:30:00.004-06:00

The last day of 2008. It's been a really long year...too long. I really can't wait to just move on to 2009 and start fresh. But seriously, I'm scared what 2009 has to offer and letting go of what has happened in 2008. I'm nervous, but I've also made a pact with someone about it being a new year and a new beginning.

Someone once said that when you open yourself up, you let the bad in with the good. This year seems to be filled with so much of the bad things, that I sometimes wonder if it had been better to be all closed up and just go on with the typical normal life I had, all busy with college, club activities, tutoring and hanging out with friends. Summer really changed everything. And summer would also have to be where all the problems began. But summer was also filled with the most amazing of things. It just went downhill as winter set in.

I learned a lot this year. It was a tough year, and not only for me, but it was a year that taught me to appreciate the things that happened as well. I wouldn't have traded summer for anything. But I can't deny that if given the option, I would change the things that has happened beginning from summer. Or maybe even given the chance, I would relive 2008 again. Still, I did the best I could in every situation, even when it didn't feel like it was the right thing, I did the best I could.

New year, new beginning. I never knew that pact would be one of the most difficult to keep. Even when it is for the best, it's the hardest thing. Letting go just seems too final.

Goodbye 2008. It's been a real tough year...and who would have thought it really wasn't my year after all. Not as I had thought it was *smile*

tag your it!

2008-12-30T01:52:00.004-06:00

Sheesh Joe...lolz...I bet you did it because it was Christina who tagged you *big smile* you big softie brother! But then that's what I love about you, besides the fact that you're an awesome friend. I really was going to do it...but then I was thinking that I would come up with the lamest answers and decided against it. My friends already know how lame I am. No reasons to give them more reasons to with the answers I'll come up with. But I will answer one of the questions from the list...

Your 5 impression towards him/her (basically that means Joe):
1. Big Heart
2. Loving brother
3. Helpful
4. Hardworking
5. Simply awesome

Yours trully...the unrepentent shopaholic

2008-12-29T13:01:00.004-06:00

Spend more...repent not! During sales and promotions of course. That principle does not apply for normal priced merchandises. Because during that period of time, I hibernate or scout for future sales ready to hit the mall or where ever it is I may shop.

Enough drama. The reason behind the excitement is because I'll be going off for a day trip to Minneapolis tomorrow to hit the outlet with Jocelyn and Allistair. I have to say I simply couldn't resist when Jocelyn called me this morning to ask me if I would like to go. Well truth be told I didn't want to go in the beginning because being the typical me, I mess dates up during the holidays and I seriously thought that today was the 30th instead of the 29th. But once I cleared that up, I simply couldn't resist! So I'll definitely be hitting the sack early tonight, since we're leaving early to have more time to shop and not come back too late. Besides, I more or less already made a list of shops I want to go to.

On an entirely different note, I can't believe it's really the end of the year. A lot has happened and I've had to manage quite a few transitions in life this year. Some handled very well, some not but I would like to believe they made me stronger in some ways. So what I've decided to do is to pack all that's happened in 2008 and just start a fresh 2009. No more looking back...well maybe once in a while, but I've realized that I've no where else to go but forward.

It's really been a tough year that began on a happy note that just didn't end as I would have expected it to end. Still I've learnt my lesson and there's nothing to look back to anymore. So I'm going to occupy the last 2 days in ending things although not the way as I would have liked it to end, but at least on my terms.

boxing day part 2

2008-12-26T23:59:00.003-06:00

The shopping spree I had originally planned for Boxing Day went in a very different direction, especially since I only bought one piece of clothing. I did get my hair cut though, so that made me feel like I finally accomplished something. I've no idea how long have I been bellyaching about needing a hair cut especially my front hair and I finally got it done today. I don't even want to discuss the price, but I would say money well spent. Yes, I'm being a typical female here; going off to the hairdresser when being upset/bothered about something. After spending a couple of hours at the mall Michelle and I headed to WalMart, where we proceeded to get makeup. LOL!

Back home, we did what every normal girls do with their new haul. Try them on! In our case it would be the makeup. And yes we're VAIN! In a very nice way I would say. We were on our defense just making sure that we bought the right thing. Had dinner after all the make over, and when we were about to just wind down for the day, we had snowballs thrown to the apartment windows. Apparently Chee Bing bought a new toy gun and the guys decided to go outside to shoot at empty bottles. I have to say it was kinda hilarious looking at them shooting at the bottles in the cold.

So that's about all the things that happened on Boxing Day. Come to think about it...there really wasn't any interesting things going on unless you count the bad fog. Michelle and I joked about it being like the movie "The Mist". Well thank God it isn't (not that it's possible) and well we vote being stranded in Super WalMart if it ever did because at least there's food and change of clothes there.

Well yup no change in hairstyle to be honest. I did just say it was only a trim and to cut my front hair shorter. Didn't feel like wasting my curls away.

Boxing Day

2008-12-26T14:33:00.002-06:00

Time to shop again! *big big big smile* Too bad being in Ames means that there's limited amount of shopping possible, but there's still online shopping. LOL! It's 2.36pm and we're still at home because we basically missed the 7am-1pm shopping spree at JCPenny since we all slept in. But the good news is that we're about to leave to go to the mall, so I'll continue this later. Shopping calls...unfortunately the debit card feels the friction everytime I buy something and my pocket smells of burnt fabric from the hole burned by shopping :)

Joyeux Noël et nouvelle année heureuse!

2008-12-25T12:58:00.003-06:00

OK...I hope I got that right but for the time being, that'll do :)

I miss the family hugs at midnight and all the screaming and shouting going around. I miss the Christmas Eve turkey for lunch and picking at it again before leaving for Moing's. I miss the tradition of the whole family going to St Sabina's chapel for mass even though I don't understand Kadazan. I miss going back home from mass to a family dinner at Moing's sitting around with cousins to talk and laugh. I miss Christmas the next day where Edna, Sam and I would be so lazy like we were last year and only go back to Moing's in the afternoon but not before watching Friends reruns on TV and laughing our ass off especially when I said to Sam, "Sam can you get my lunch for me so I can watch it while eating Friends". LOL! That shocked Sam and made him laugh calling me an idiot. Most of all I miss our drive back to Moing's where Edna was driving since the parents went back ahead of us and made Sam and I listen to Kadazan oldies and drove us mad until Sam started to wail the song in the car and made it funny.

This year...my Christmas eve was about talking on the phone with May Hon until 5 mins before midnight in CB's room. Toasting Christmas with friends and playing drinking games. After that it was just sitting around and talking, which Michelle and I continued at my place until the sun came up. I woke up at a little after 12 and went straight to the computer. Checked my mail, Facebook and decided to write this entry.

Half day gone and this is Christmas this year. Will be going out to play snow later I guess since there's no bus running today, which means watching movie is out of the list. Oh well...maybe Christmas can still be saved...Joyeux Noël!

Happy Christmas

2008-12-24T18:38:00.004-06:00

Few more hours to Christmas. For the first time since I can remember, I'm not looking forward to Christmas. I've tried everything I could to try and bring the Christmas spirit, but this year's celebration just seems so bleak that there doesn't seem to be any point trying to put the spirit or cheer in the air. All I can think about is that maybe the new year would have something nice to offer and help me put everything behind me.

2008 was supposed to be my year, or so I thought and planned it to be. To be fair, it did start good and just as I had planned, then took a turn to be what I can call the pinnacle of the year. Thing is, things just started going downhill from then on. Now all I can picture is a bell shaped graph...and I'm ironically laughing at it because I was kinda hoping for a much better picture but instead I had to come up with the lamest representation.

Coming over to ISU was what I thought to be the best thing to happen in my old old long and draggy life. I am happy here in a lot of ways and it's not the place that's bringing all this depression in me. I just wish that after all the hopes and hard work put in, things just didn't go to waste and end up the way it ended. Coping with it during normal days is bad enough, but Christmas just makes it unbearable.

I miss my girlfriends back home. We grew up well and I'd like to believe that, life is just playing one of its tricks on us...

...

2008-12-24T02:09:00.003-06:00

Finally updating my blog. I've been so swamped with exams and some personal going ons that I've barely had enough time to sleep. And now that exams are over, I'm stuck with my after exam insomnia syndrome. Well here goes nothing...

First Christmas away from home. Looks like I'm not the only one doing something new for Christmas this year because the family had to stay in Sandakan since Lina went back to Indonesia and Aunty Ita and the girls are spending Christmas in Kundasang. Poor Moing, I'm sure it would break her heart to not be spending her Christmas as per tradition but I'm sure she understands. I just wish she didn't have to feel that disappointment during Christmas.

There really doesn't seem to be much going on after the exams. Had some emotional burnout drinking session last Friday which was long overdue on my behalf anyway, and us Taylor's ADP dinner on Saturday as a treat from Carien. After that I've pretty much done almost nothing except stay at home and hang out at Ruey's. So seriously, the holiday forecast seems to be pretty much looking bleak except for maybe the party at CB's tomorrow.

I actually really don't have anything to write about except for that garbled version. I guess the only reason I wrote this entry was because someone rubbed me the wrong way when he said what's the use of my blog if I didn't update it *wink*. I'm hitting the sack now. Another day without accomplishing anything and I'm still not done with that Christmas decorations. Sigh...

Voiceless

2008-12-07T00:05:00.002-06:00

Finally something to shut me up. Hahaha...

I never realized this morning when I woke up that I lost my voice, mainly because there was nobody to talk to anyway. The only reason I found out was because I got a call from the Ames Police Alert about the murder that happened in West Ames this morning. My "hello" came barely above a whisper and I was practically horrified especially since I had to work. Though I have to admit not as horrified as the fact that I had to work until 5pm and come home when it's already dark with that murder story freaking me out. And yes before any of you say it out...I'm paranoid and I know it.

In the end I didn't work until 5pm since it was pointless to stay there and work when I could barely talk and I did need to talk to the customers. Drowning myself with hot peppermint and honey drinks was more because it tastes good although it did feel good on my throat. Plus it did help me get back at least 50% of my voice back. I came back home took a big sip on the cough syrup and took a nap (I love how those things make you drowsy).

Now hours later after not talking since I got home I realized my voice is gone yet again...darn!

cough cough

2008-12-03T17:47:00.002-06:00

I've finally succumbed to the flu. When I finally thought that I was getting over it since coming back from Minneapolis, I took the turn for the bad and ended up missing class and work today. Darn the flu! I really needed to work today too!

Thanksgiving in Minneapolis (well more like only the evening) was really fun. After being in Ames for so long, finally we saw buildings, but most importantly staying in the city again! Sure the first night dinner wasn't anything great since most places were closed, but it was fun exploring the city while it was quiet and you could more or less do whatever you wanted without much eyes on you.

The first shopping spree at the outlet lasted for neearly 7 hours. I never knew I could shop that long. But I have to say we girls were a good shopping team. LOL! We shopped from 11.30pm until 6am and came back to the car with loads of stuff. Come to think of it, we didn't even get to finish walking around the whole outlet too, because we were so exhausted in the end and hungry too. From the outlet we moved on to BestBuy to see electronics, which we found to be cheaper online anyway. Finally got back at the hotel at 9am and proceeded to sleep until 2.30pm.

At 6.30pm we were off to Mystic Lake Casino, where Wooi Hau and I analyzed the place and applied what we learnt from American Indian class (yup we're total nerds). After that huge buffet meal where I stuffed myself with turkey, we explored the casino and took some crazy pictures (mostly just Carien and me). Back at the hotel, there wasn't much to do and we ended up wathing Hooters swim suit competition on TV, which seriously wasn't fun at all. Carien and I then slept "early" so we could head out to Macy's the next day at 7.30am before we checked out of the hotel.

Day 3 was another shopping frenzy, but only lasted in the morning for me because by then I spent a lot in Macy's. But I have to say it was well worth it! Breakfast was dim sum, and it felt like home even if it was expensive and not as good as home and we had to wait for more than 30mins for a table. Then it was to the Mall of America, where I decided to walk with the guys since walking with the girls was a further temptation to shop. Ended up going to the Hooters bar with them, which I have got to say was a disappointment, but maybe not to the guys. Dinner was at Peninsular - a Malaysian restaurant in Minneapolis. After dinner it was back to Ames again.

So that pretty much sums the whole trip. Got back home a little before 2am, and I was so exhausted by then. Still...I have got to say, money well spent!

perception of Perfection

2008-12-03T00:19:00.005-06:00

Ever been in a time where you thought that life was going well and that it was okay? Not perfect...just good enough for you to know that you're happy doing the things you do and fighting for the things you want. Then along comes something that you wouldn't have thought possible, because you think that it's something only wished for but never a reality? You live it, and it's the best thing to have ever happened to you. If you once thought that you were content with your life, having this new thing filled every void in your life especially those you never knew existed and those you've denied yourself of. Then you think that maybe complete and perfect happiness is not impossible after all.

To lose what you've perceived as perfection is nothing short of devastating. Everything crumbles and the worst part is that, you can't even go back to the life you've had before it. Because now you've experienced the one thing that has made you whole and complete. Losing it makes you as vulnerable as the most fragile of glass.

You then gain some sense of balance again...just enough to brave a smile for show. But every second, you wonder why did you ever allow yourself to touch perfection. It was better not knowing...better thinking of it as something imaginary, which could only be fantasized about.

Because...the next stage of lost is the feeling of not being good enough to hold on and to have perfection. You spend endless hours thinking where you went wrong and why you're not good enough. Friends starts commenting on how tired you look, how your eyes seem more vacant as the days go by. And all you have to say to it is stress and over work.

You were better not knowing. You were better off content and just working your way to chasing your dreams...yet perfection came and took everything away. And there you are...a thousand pieces of puzzle not knowing where to start again. Half wishing to have perfection again...half wishing it never came to your life.

when the song complements the mood

2008-11-19T01:20:00.004-06:00

They say hard times need songs to accompany the mood. I found my perfect song this time around...and to think it was all through coincidence. But in the meantime I'm left in love with Lifehouse.

or the acoustic version of the song =)

Yes I'm lame in a lot of ways, but it's the best song to have on my Ipod at the moment while I walk alone reflecting about the things that have happened and what should have been.

counting my blessings

2008-11-16T22:23:00.002-06:00

We had dinner at church tonight for the early thanksgiving meal since everyone would be heading back home next week for the break. Sitting there with friends who have become family ever since I came to Ames, I've realized that despite everything that went terribly wrong and all the bad things that happened this week, I do in fact have a lot to be thankful about.

I have my parents to be thankful to for giving me a chance to come here despite all those things in the past. Time and time again they push me to get the best out of me without ever getting tired of it.
For Edz and Sam. Without them bugging my life, it would be pretty dull. Plus I love it when we're all home together and the three of us hang out and we torture Sam for being the baby of the family. Also without them I wouldn't have my guinea pigs for my kitchen experiments =)
For having Donkey. For him always believing in me, especially when I don't believe in myself. And for him making me happiest than I've ever been in a very long time; plus for his tolerance for all my idiosyncrasies.
My best friends back home. We've been through so much together since high school. Each bad things that happened only made us closer and stronger. You guys never judged despite not agreeing to the things I do as long as it was the one thing that made me happy.
For friends, both new and old. You guys are the greatest things and I appreciate you guys being there for me especially during bad times.
For all the small things in life that seems so insignificant. Those were always the things that led to bigger ones.

I realize how short the list seems, yet they do mean a lot in my life. They're the things that I'm thankful to have. Of course I'm mostly thankful to God for sending me all the wonderful people and things into my life. But most of all for holding my hand this week when I felt that nothing could ever go right again. For listening and answering my prayers this week and calming my painful heart and putting a smile back to my face.

winter heart

2008-11-12T19:49:00.002-06:00

I look at all the things I've gotten for Donkey, and I don't know what to do with them. My feeling is reflected by the bleak weather. My heart clenched, and I walk with the heaviest heart.

What do I do when everything I've believed in falls apart? What do I do when the one thing that seems the most solid crumbles and I'm trying to put the pieces back together again?

My fingers are still crossed in hope of getting a cheap flight back for christmas. My prayer still remains, only slightly altered. My hope is stronger and I believe in the best.

I'm holding on to the thinnest of thread...it's my lifeline. It's my only chance. It's the only thing that keeps me going on.

In the meantime, I sit here breathing quietly. I sit here, braving a smile on my face. Waiting to go back to the one thing that is home to me.

winter wonderland

2008-11-07T15:20:00.002-06:00

It's snowing! Been snowing the whole day in fact and terribly windy too. It's really odd how drastic the weather changed from being nice and warm (or what I have now considered to be nice and warm...lol) to below freezing point in 2 days! But to be honest, snow looks so much nicer from inside where it's warm and comfy rather than when you're outside and being cold waist down because you only have a pair of jeans on unlike waist up where you have 3 layers of clothing plus a scarf and gloves (well that's what it was for me). I bet when I call home dad would ask me if I remember snow since we were last here.

It's been a tough week - both personal and business. And juggling the both of them together hasn't been much fun. The weekend won't be much help too, since the weekend is what's causing the problem anyway. So he says, "Go to the party and have fun". Yeah...like that's going to help. Keeping myself occupied really just won't make the weekend any bearable. It's just making me more prone to making more mistakes because I'm as distracted as a person could be.

I'm just wondering what this weekend would mean. Would it bring with it bad or good news? Would my "2008 luck" still work, or has it run out from overuse? My girl friends say that it's going to be good news, but maybe that's because I've been too optimistic when I talk about the situation. Could it be I was living in some sort of an illusion and all this while telling myself something that's not real? I hate those "going-away-for-the-weekend" episodes. It never did me any good except to leave me a nervous wreck who later needs to pick the pieces up and put them together again.

Halloween's picture perfect

2008-11-02T01:34:00.005-05:00

Well as you all already know, I did end up going to the Halloween party and of course had a blast! After all those rough hard weeks this really made a lot of difference in the world. Plus it sort of canceled out the bad day I had. So...no regrets.

These are basically some of the pictures we took of last night. More are of course on both Facebook and Friendster (yes I still use Friendster), BUT this one has that picture I took off from Facebook and didn't upload on Friendster. Those who've seen it before I deleted it would know which picture I'm talking about. Hahaha...thanks for the compliment on that picture Beth, but after all those comments, especially from Uncle Tham with the word "unleashed" and from Smuggy's "no comment" I just thought that it was time to take the picture out of the album just for a time period until everything cools down again. LOL!

Well...I'm pretty much exhausted now. With work then to a BBQ right after, plus the teasing about the picture at the BBQ and later to Chee Beng's for drinks, I think I'm really ready to hit the sack now. The BBQ was really fun especially since most of us were freezing from the coldand well, I could barely eat since my hands got numb from it. Pictures are soon to follow once I upload them and get some of them from Jocelyn.

By the way, daylight saving is back again so for those whom I always keep in touch with from back home, I'm no longer 13 hours behind you guys, it's been set back to 14 hours now. So basically my 1am would be your 3pm. So happy weekend guys, hope you guys had a good haunting *grins*

October 31, 2008

2008-10-31T20:56:00.002-05:00

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!!

Funniest costume I saw today: The Gingerbread Man, Darin in his Aquaman, Alisha as David Bowie, The guy dressed up as a corporate lady in net pantyhose and heels.

But basically my day wasn't all that great. In fact wasn't all that great is one of the biggest understatement of the year. It was beyond horrible! It didn't help that after studying for more than a week for Business Law amounted up to nothing and barely coming above the class average, it's also the only subject, which I've been doing bad as well. Out of all my subject this had to be the one that's bringing me down and it's the one I've been spending the most effort for too. Later, if being upset wasn't bad enough, the one person whom I really wanted to talk to who was supposed to cheer me up asked me to call him back later because his sleep was more important. OMFG!!!! It's not as though I called at an indecent hour or anything, because I actually waited to call at a reasonable hour. At times I just wished he would stop being that selfish especially when he always gets enough sleep too.

Yes, I know I sound childish and immature here, but honestly there's a lot of times when the only person you want to share things with is the person who means so much to you. And being overlooked over sleep is seriously frustrating especially since you've tolerate work, practices and his social activities. So basically now...seriously ATM I would like nothing better than to...(I'll leave it to you to fill in the blank).

Carien's right, screw everything that has happened today and I'm going to Zi Ting's party. Joselyn's right too...why stay home and waste my weekend after weeks and weeks of hard work? I deserve tonight's fun and fun is what I'm going to have. So yeah...I'll be partying tonight and I'll have fun instead of sitting at home with a pint of Haagen Dazs, watching a movie and mopping over the bad things of today.

post mcn 08

2008-10-31T00:02:00.003-05:00

With MCN (Malaysian Cultural Night) done and over with, I really feel drained of all energy. It really feels as though all my energy was focused on that evening and now I'm basically using up all my energy after recharging myself and never allowing energy level to be fully charged. OK well basically after that long winding sentence what I mean to say in a nutshell is that I'm tired...seriously freaking tired throughout the whole week. I've basically fought to stay awake during Business Law lectures and fell asleep for 2 French classes.

This weekend I plan to catch up with all those lost weekends due to MCN and catch up with having fun. LOL! Seriously...I should utilize these last few warm sunny days before winter sets in, in about a week and it starts to snow. For those who actually think that snow might be magical and fun...well yeah I would have to say it is when you see it on TV or out the window in the warmth of home, but once outside believe me you would think otherwise. For the past week my nose has been frozen and I've been bundled up with clothes just to stay warm. Basically that explains why I'm practically embracing this few days of predicted warm weather and looking forward to the BBQ this Saturday.

Oh...before I forget...Happy Halloween!!! and speaking of the devil, I still haven't bought a costume yet! I guess I won't be wearing any costume to work tomorrow. I'm still considering that sexy nun costume *laughs like mad* but the odds of being murdered by my mom and Donkey kinda overrules my decision. I'll have to see what they have in the costume shop tomorrow then. *sigh*

Well it's back to work. Back to grinding my nose and getting lost in Business Law (not that I understand what I'm reading anyway).

No rest for the lowly student

2008-10-17T15:25:00.004-05:00

I need a breather.

Things have really started to pick up again since last week, which i presume would peak next Sunday if I'm lucky and then start slowing down after that. If not, then all I can do is to look forward to Thanksgiving break.

Wednesday I suddenly woke up at 5.30am to realize that I have a Maths test this week which would be due on Sunday. So of course after that I just couldn't get back to sleep again, and decided to get my lazy butt out of bed and start early on this week's homework. Thank goodness it was an Excel assignment which just means that it's easy and real fast to do. Got to doing half of it until it was time to get ready for class.

After my second class of the day I headed towards Carver Hall, to attend my third class of the semester excluding test day. I've pretty much been skipping those class sessions, since I've discovered that I learn the problems better on my own from the examples compared to sitting in the lab observing other people out of boredom. I finished up the other half of the homework, checked my email and Facebook and headed out after 30mins. Then it was lunch, work, nap and a whole night of studying maths since I decided to take the test on Thursday so that it would be included in my Mid-term grades.

Thursday. Woke up after only 3 1/2 hours of sleep to continue maths again. I know you guys are probably thinking as to why am I putting in too much effort in maths. Well the answer is because I'm pretty much a dunce at maths, so it takes me a longer time to understand things.

I left home at 11am for the meeting with my advisor to get the shock of my life when I saw that my cgpa on my degree audit was 2.11. I know I'm an average student but I also know that I can't be that dumb. So she rechecked it again and the updated audit showed my standing at a 3.22. Still 0.13 short from applying to the professional course for early admission. Hopefully this semester's grades would pretty much cover that.

After the appointment I walked to Carver to sit for the test. My first attempt scored me a 90% so I decided I didn't want to try for the second and third attempt. Bought lunch and headed back home to get some rest before completing my pledge quiz and getting ready for Alpha Kappa Psi pledge interview at 6pm.

The interview I guess went well considering that all the pledges got through, though I honestly think that I screwed mine up. So I really thank the person(s) who voted for me. Finally got home a little before 8pm, freezing cold and hungry as hell. After a really hot shower it was back to hitting the books again.

Now that Friday is almost over, I don't think I would really want to talk about my day. Was late for French from printing the homework because the printer was out of paper, then I missed business law class because I didn't know the second section was in an entirely different building. OK so I ended up writing about it. But that's where I'll stop. I'm so exhausted now and I still have practice later and shopping for stuff with Micky.

I really need to bake away this stressful week. Will get Wooi Hau to bring over his baking pan since mine is still at Zi Ting's, which he thinks he saw yesterday.

Donkey heeee...haaawwwww

2008-10-16T10:19:00.003-05:00

Ok well this isn't exactly a specific entry or anything. It was just because Babes a.k.a. My Donkey asked if there was anything specific for him to read on my blog. Well now there is, though it's more out of me taking a few minutes break before getting ready to go out for the day. Been up since 6.30am studying for a maths test which I have no confidence whatsoever for. I'm a dunce at maths, so this is really killing me. Anyway...time to go and end this silly entry.

Donkey: Is this what it takes for you to actually read my blog? LOL! Can't wait to see you next year...because all I can think of is for you to bring me out for good food after a short stop over at home to dump my things. So come pick me up with an itinerary! BTW, I'm flying straight to KK because I just want to get the travel time done and over with.

Happy 2 months anniversary

2008-10-13T20:09:00.013-05:00

I've been so caught up with work, assignments, quizzes, and studies that if it wasn't for Ruey, I would have missed the mark of my two months being here in ISU. Has it really only been 2 months? It feels so much longer...

Here's the funny thing about time, it passes by so fast but yet a short time might also seem like an eternity. Last week I felt it pass by in a flash, but thinking about it in French class today, it felt like last Monday was really a long time ago. Not that I would have minded it seeming that way since it wasn't really a week I would like to put down as memorable. But the whole concept of time being both fast and infinity like simply eludes me.

7 more months before I head home for the summer. I can't believe how much I'm looking forward to it. Before this summer, I didn't even plan to come back during breaks. Things really did change over the summer. Not on some miniscule scale but a really big change that it has changed my way of thoughts and me significantly. It's both nice and scary in a way, but I really think that the good far out weights the bad. It's made me less rigid to changes, and for the first time since I can't even remember how long, I'm more relaxed and less tensed. It's funny how things happen when you least expect it to, especially when you've practically carved your future plans in stone. But I've realized that there's no such thing about things being written in stone and that metaphor has simply faded to just words. So if anyone asks if I regret this summer, I would say...No. Yes the boredom of being next to unproductive was simply killing me, but on a personal level, I learned so much that I've no regrets whatsoever in deciding to take the summer off.

I don't have any pictures to commemorate my two months here in ISU. This time, we let it slip away unlike our one month anniversary. All I have to remember this day by was to have a nice dinner for myself while watching my weekly TV show. But here are some pictures marking my one month in ISU.

The girls after a Thai dinner

Ji-An and I while waiting for the bus home

Before heading off to Campus Town

a Porky snack

2008-10-11T09:44:00.008-05:00

While checking out a customer at work yesterday, her item reminded me of something I saw in the vending machine at the airport in Atlanta, which I've kept on forgetting to tell friends back home about.

PORK RINDS/SKIN

Okay...so maybe to a number of you this isn't something new. But the thing is that all my life I only knew that pork rinds were only used in cooking and I have to say that I love eating them in soup or as one of the condiments in those stuffed dishes (stuffed tofu and vegetables with fish paste). So when I found them as snacks packed like what we typically call 'keropok' I was tempted to try them and yes I bought a packet of it before getting off yesterday.

I found two flavors - original and hot & spicy. I decided on hot & spicy (a mistake to buy when your in the states since it never really is spicy anyway) and just couldn't wait to get home and try it.

The verdict:

Not bad, nice and crunchy, but when they say salted they did however forget to mention how pretty much very salted it is. The additional hot & spicy flavor also didn't help much as what it mainly did was contribute more to the saltiness of it.

Now, I'm basically stuck with that huge pack of Pork Rinds snack. But for the sake of it, I would definitely buy a bag of it to bring home next summer just to give the people back home a try. And speaking about next summer, yeah it looks like that I'm pretty much heading back home to spend time with the family and Babes.

*Just in case they do sell this snack in Malaysia, bear with me because I've honestly never seen it before. Or have I been shopping and looking at the wrong place?*

Lame excuses deserves lame entries

2008-10-07T07:20:00.003-05:00

Here's the lamest ever excuse I've given so far for the past few weeks:

"I'm suddenly so free with nothing to do that I feel so LOST"

And to think I've been craving for this free time from the moment I said "GO" to the hectic weeks prior to it.

I had all things listed down as to what I wanted to do and watch.

Now that I'm actually living it, I'm missing the busy week!

Because...to be honest sitting in my room, thinking about what to do next is boring

When they said opposite attracts I thought they only meant people.

But then that's the Yin & Yang.

Busy bee weekend

2008-09-28T20:31:00.002-05:00

Another busy weekend and another weekend to which I don't even have time to blog. I definitely need a course of time management which I would never attend anyway. LOL. I should be putting up my shopping pictures up soon, as well as our up to date activities. Maybe just put a slideshow on for it...maybe.

Dance practices, quizzes, tests, work...argh!!!! Oh and this weekend includes my pledge induction to Alpha Kappa Psi. I feel so tired the whole weekend. Saturday I woke up to a headache, laughing at the thought that I was getting a hangover from my first 6 hours sleep in goodness knows how long. But come to think of it, I think it was from being lactose intolerant and drinking a whole tumbler full of rich and yummy chocolate milk. Sheesh...did I ever have to pay for that! My tummy was horribly painful the whole evening, plus I had to take an earful from Babes about being "smart" regarding my assumption of chocolate milk.

Oh well...lesson learnt! I'm really missing Babes...and now I can't see him online for a really long time *pouts*

Sigh...gotta get back to studying. !@#$% Test!

From the table of the Procrastinator

2008-09-16T07:38:00.002-05:00

Week 4 of classes and I'm now paying back for what I've done over the weekend. I'm totally swamped with work and now that I've started working too that means that I'm more tired out compared to the past 3 weeks.

On a lighter note, I HAVE A JOB! Pays good too. Better than what I would have expected. I just really hope I get to take over Arnold's shift on Saturday so I can earn more. I realize that working 5 hours still gives me time to spare. Besides if I do drop Anthro then I could still add 2 more hours. Sigh...I need money...money...money *sings Apprentice theme song*. Plus I also found this website that does paid online survey, by collecting points and exchanging them for money via PayPal, gift cert from Amazon and iTunes. No spam or selling your contact information to third parties too! It's basically a website that conducts survey on students of every level. Of course the survey is not always available but then occasional easy money is not one I would complain about!

So far the week has been really good. Bad Monday morning start I admit, but then I'm just glad that everything would just go smoothly. The weekend is bound to be busy with the possibility of work and meeting and on Sunday the shopping trip to Des Moines. I just hope it won't turn out to be another bad weekend, because honestly another bad one would turn into something really serious.

*stretches*

I had better get back to my workload again. An essay to finish, product mapping and maths to accomplish tonight. I'm just glad that there's no French class tomorrow and that I'm doing kinda good in it. Not bad for a person who before this only knew french from singing that Lady Marmalade song.

2008-09-07T20:16:00.003-05:00

I really had better start updating this blog. Hurm...I keep putting things off and to think I was telling myself there was so many things I wanted to blog about. Within the next few days...I promise...really really promise.

iowa state university, ames

2008-08-19T15:34:00.016-05:00

I've kept putting off blogging about ISU that I just realized I've already been here a week! So far, we've bought all the necessary things to make our rooms more like home, explored TWO Wal Marts, bought our bicycles and explored campus. Orientation week isn't too bad too considering we have a lot of free time on our hands. And YES I'm still loving every single moment here.

Cycling. I've been doing it for 3 days now, and honestly in those 3 days I've cycled more than I have in 10 years! In fact I can't even remember when was the last time I cycled back home. Plus I don't remember cycling to be this tiring or maybe it's just old age. Yesterday, Tim took us for a really big round to get to Gerdin Hall that I have to say Carien and I were basically half dead by then. I've yet to take a picture of the 9 of us on our bicycles and probably never will.

What next...what next...? Oh yeah my apartment. Okay well, my apartment is really looking a lot like home. It's still only me and Tricia but with Tricia's love for decorating things the apartment really does look like home. We even have aroma therapy scent sticks in our toilet which smells good. I love her room too. It looks so cozy and just gives you the feeling that you can curl up anywhere and just go to sleep. The kitchen is divine and I love how Tricia put the floral arrangement on the island. Seriously she's so good at decorating the apartment, I might just let her loose in my room too.

My room. Well I have to admit it's very basic but I seriously love my bed. I'm glad I bought that Dorm Collection linen set from JCPenny because my bed is so comfy, I'm thinking of simply hibernating in it the whole winter. The view from my room is nice too, well at least I think so. I just wish I could pile my bed with more pillows, but no rush. I really should get a cushion or two though.

Anyway here are pictures. Yup I'm stopping here because my brains are all jumbled up with so many things to tell and it just can't seem to choose, which to tell. So pictures are better...really.

Campanile

Memorial Union Building

This is where they have a list of names for the soldiers from Iowa who died beginning from WWI to the recent Iraq War. They also have this circle with the 12 zodiacs after the door of the main entrance, which is meant to be bad luck if you were to step on it :) so just in case, we walk around it. It really wouldn't hurt to follow superstitious traditions :)

Our kitchen.

We actually have everything and seriously it's a real big comfort for me.

My attempt to a home cooked dinner.

Our bathroom.

I really love those scented sticks between the 2 hand basin. It smells really good.

And finally my room!

With its PINK sheets

Oh yeah...and me cam whoring with Babe's cap.

I'm in iowa!!!!

2008-08-15T23:15:00.002-05:00

I'm loving every second in Ames! To be back from something so long ago that now only seems like a long ago dream is fantastically awesome! I love the place and everything...

Updates soon to come...

This is my year...08.08.08 (Part II)

2008-08-08T06:22:00.008-05:00

Well this post is pretty much very late in the day. But then again it's me and I've always been known for postponed entries which have been reserved a place in advance. So here is the very much belated birthday girl's entry.

Nothing interesting happened during the day. Got tons of birthday wishes on my phone by the time I woke up, and mom gave me the traditional birthday kiss (whenever I'm home for my birthday) and that really was it. If it were up to me, I would have to say that my birthday really only kick started when I slipped away during the evening after another round of stress baking to meet Babes, on the pretext of tapau-ing dumplings :)

Since I've already celebrated my birthday dinner the night before (dad had to go away on business on my birthday) and Jill and Joel came over to celebrate, I decided to conduct one of my kitchen experiments - Cheese baked rice with pork and teriyaki sauce. I know it sounds fancy but it really was actually very easy. We then had dinner and cake while watching the Olympics opening ceremony because mom said it was a special occasion so we'll just ignore the rules for once. So two special dinners for the birthday girl - seafood for the birthday eve and tv dinner on the birthday itself.

But anyway the most fun I had was hanging out with the two Bs after sending Jill back home. It's been years since I've actually hung out with Babu and ages with Brian. I really did have a great time with them hanging out at the (get this) Borneo Headhunter Pub. We drank, talked, joked, laughed and watched the olympics opening. It was so good just to be with them again. And I have to say, I did get pretty tipsy that night, but all was good *grins*.

After drinks we went for supper, where Arthur and his friend joined us for a while. Again it was another whole round of laughter especially since I was amazed how my noodles had char koay in it. Besides I was still having that euphoric feeling in me from the booze.

The supper

Finally got home at about 2.30am. Gave Brian a giant bear hug for arranging a fun night for me on my birthday. Wish I could have done the same for him, but that was the day I flew off to KL. I guess I'll try and stay back until his birthday next year so I can try and give him a kick ass birthday too. Thanks Bs! You guys really are the best!

The two Bs (Babu and Brian)

Oh! And the birthday celebration didn't just stop there! The next day, babes practically gave up his whole day to celebrate my belated birthday with me. He decided that it was a day to drive me to all the places I wanted to go before I left and eat whatever food I wanted, to last me until next year.

The car that made my day even more lucky

So this year really is my year. Birthday celebration was simple and nice, but it really was more than I had expected. Thanks everyone!!! I love you all...

This is my year...08.08.08

2008-08-06T12:32:00.002-05:00

Yes, this is definitely my year! I mean how many times would you celebrate your birthday on such a date? It doesn't matter that I have to celebrate it a day earlier, since Dad has to go away on business on that day, the fact that my birthday is to be on a date that only comes every 100 years (I only thought about that) is reason enough to be excited.

Being the perasan-ted brat I am...I always knew I was born on a date considered auspicious to the chinese. Heck! They even decided the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony to be on the annual celebration of my birth. That just shows how great that date is this year. I'm betting that tomorrow would be a day filled with wedding cars on the road, another reason to it being lucky (someone once told me it was lucky to see a wedding car with the newlyweds inside).

Thinking about it, it's funny how last year while we were talking about the date 07.07.07, I made a joke about either getting hitched or engaged on 08.08.08. I later changed my mind about it because of the thought of my birthday being over shadowed. Plus not that I have a boyfriend to do any of those things anyway. LOL!

So far this has really been a great year for me...and when I mean great year that means college, social life (yes, I have one to those of you who are bound to laugh at that) and of course finacially. And since this is my year, I really hope the luck continues. Most of all I hope my birthday wish actually does come true as well.

Next big thing for the year...IOWA STATE UNIVERSITY August 13th!!!!

Batman - The Dark Knight

2008-08-03T02:42:00.006-05:00

For those of you who are yet to watch the latest Batman movie, then you definitely should put it down on your must-watch-movie list. Then again, with it being top at the Box Office would obviously already put it down as almost everyone's must-watch-movies.

The movie gets into the fighting scene quite fast, which is a relief since most movies normally drag this part to begin somewhere in the middle of the movie. Then being the money lover I am (well I love money in a healthy enough way), I did feel the pinch to see the huge pile of money being burnt.

In a nutshell, the movie is very much a tribute to Heath Ledger. His role as the Joker was played to perfection, that it's such a sad waste that he passed away at the height of his acting career.

I just don't get why Batman talks in that raspy voice? Sure I read the article, but it was explained in such an unsatisfactory way. So yeah, if there's one thing I want explained about the movie it'll be about Batman's voice. And please don't say it's to hide his identity, that would just be too frustrating.

when coping becomes hard

2008-07-31T11:13:00.001-05:00

Day 2 and I’m surviving this whole ordeal sadly I admit, not as good as I had hoped. In fact, I was not even ‘not as good’. I failed miserably. I guess this time I would have to admit that it was more than what I could possibly chew.

I’ve been restless the whole day today. I’m extremely exhausted from last night’s drama and to think that it’s only the beginning is absolutely mind blowing and not in a good way. Still, life goes on as they say and the best I can do is to accept this as a whole new battle, which I’m yet to find a way around.

Sometimes it’s really funny how you find things when you least expect it. I came home, choosing to take summer off and just be bored for a whole 3 months (and mind you, regretting it during the first week itself), getting the total opposite instead! Indeed I admit that I would have laughed if anyone would have told me, that this is what I would be facing back home. I would have said that this isn’t a place for such dramas, but a place left alive fueled with small town going ons.

Needless to say that I miss my friends horribly. Sure they’re there for me throughout this whole thing, but sometimes physical comfort is what a person needs instead of comforting and reassuring words. Now I’m just sounding like a real ungrateful brat. And that’s not how it is, because I really appreciate them so much. They’ve been there for me, keeping sacred our friendship. No questions. No judgments. Just soothing words how everything would turn out well in the end.

So I’m still here, holding on and hoping that the ‘everything to gain’ part I mentioned in the last entry would come soon, with no more dramas. No more tests.

4 days BEGONE!!

2008-07-27T21:56:00.007-05:00

Back in Sandakan again after a 6 hour drive to which it was raining heavily most of the way. No more euphoric feeling like Saturday, just a certain hard fallback to normalcy.

So right now sitting on my bed, I'm wishing I can go back to my Saturday afternoon with Sainty to consult her about this awful feeling I'm feeling now. Even retail therapy didn't do the trick this time, or maybe it would have if the news weren't broken to me after it. Nope...I don't think shopping would have helped this time.

It's just that...it really feels like someone throwing ice cold water at you while you were sleeping to a real fantastic, fairy tale dream. You wake up to a horrific nightmare, and since it's reality you'll never wake up from it.

I really want Wednesday to Saturday morning to just be erased out from this week. Those would certainly be long days, to which every second would seem like an hour long with a nagging feeling that just won't go away.

Much though I hate what's going to happen, I guess I've decided to cope and be grown up about it, even though it's really not what I feel like doing. It's the best thing I can do and acting any other way would only make things worse, and worse is not an option.

Sometimes play acting really is just a part of life. Like it or not, it's something inevitable that has to be accepted. There's a lot of times in life when we're forced to do things we don't like, to accept things that we can't change. To just swallow the bitterness and put on a happy face.

So I'm very much determined to face those four days. At the end of the day, there really is nothing to lose but everything to gain. And I look forward to the gaining part.

I'm in KK part II

2008-07-26T09:30:00.002-05:00

I'm glad the car wouldn't start today and that I had to send the battery to the shop to recharge it.

Think me crazy. Think me odd. But if it hadn't happened that way, today would not have turned out the way it did. I would not have had that long talk with my bestie, and finally get all those things off my shoulder. Then again, maybe it was the massage that did it. Whatever it is, a bit of pampering coupled with a girls' day out are exactly what a girl needs to take all those tension off the shoulder.

Going back to Papar was also checked off my KK list. Visited moing and said goodbye to Tracy, Megan and Belle. It was kind of sad saying bye to them, but at least I wouldn't have to leave without personally saying bye.

Shopping however had to be crossed off my agenda. Sainty and I agreed that there wasn't decent enough time for proper shopping. So dinner at McDonald's it was, and lucky enough that we did.

You see, the reason I said it was lucky that the car wouldn't start today is because if it did, we would have perhaps been driving separate cars, or maybe my car to get it running since it's hardly used. We would have gone back to Papar earlier and gone shopping. We wouldn't have had dinner at McD's and later stop by at Public Bank's ATM...and found RM200, which Sainty practically split with me!

*hugs self with glee*

I'm in...

2008-07-25T21:50:00.004-05:00

KK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and psyched to be here! My last and final getaway before I leave in 2 weeks time. It may sound cliched when I say the last 3 months went by in a flash...but it seriously did. Now I'm half dreading and half excited to leave. I'm glad though that Dave would be there too so I won't feel totally alone.

Back to my KK getaway (give me a break I know it's only KK). Today would be a day where I'm supposed to do the laundry, shop for some stuff, go back to Papar and then hopefully go for another round of pampering with Sainty. *Dreamy sigh*

I can't wait...can't wait...can't wait...

OK I seriously need to go...being kicked off the comp to go get ready for breakfast by a certain very pushy someone *wink and smiles*

Will continue this later when I'm totally free and have more things to say other than being psyched =)

They say things happen in three

2008-07-23T12:05:00.005-05:00

Call it superstition. Call it coincidence. I leave that for you to decide.

But seriously, this evening's events unfurled with me having to chauffeur Sam and his friends to church. After that, things just happened one after the other.

Event 1: Driving with the fog lights on.
I seriously did not realize I was doing this. I did realize that my headlights were unusually yellow, but decided that perhaps Dad changed the lights without telling me. So I drove all the way to church from my house with the fog lights turned on, and perhaps passing a lot of annoyed drivers on the way.

It was only at church, when I saw my friend whose car I tailgated (I know it sounds like stalking but I was not) somewhere near the church and asked him if he knew it was me even before I flashed my headlights at him. Here's what he said...

"Yeah I knew it was you before, because you're the only car in Sandakan that drives with the fog lights on"

Apparently it wasn't my first time driving with the fog lights, and I NEVER knew about this. He on the other hand thought I was a hoot and said only I was capable of such thing. Sure I was a bit upset because I hate being caught in situations that makes me look totally illiterate when it comes to cars.

Event 2: Car key stuck in the ignition.
Well after dropping the kids off at church, I decided to stop over to buy mom the pancakes she likes. Found a parking, parked, turned the engine off, but couldn't get the key OUT! I tried turning it slowly, tried turning the engine back on and off again still with the same result. Few tries later I knew I couldn't do it myself and with Dad away on business, I needed to find a new emergency saviour.

Well he did come, but at the expense of missing the Novena prayers. Call it opportunity cost but I on the other hand felt real guilty about it. So he tries getting the key out from the ignition. Another friend who happened to be there also tried, but to no avail.

After sometime, my friend slides behind the wheel and tells me to get in the car. So I meekly said goodbye to the other friend and got into the passenger seat, all the time laden with guilt thinking my friend was angry or annoyed with me. He wasn't of course, but we did have to find a mechanic who could take that green key out!

Since all the car shops were closed, he called his mechanic friend and explained the situation. The friend in turn gave a series of instructions to follow and Lo Behold! The key came out! So we drove back to my friend's car since he had to return to church again. I on the other hand, headed for home.

Event 3: When someone runs a red light.
So on the way home, I have to pass a set of traffic lights at a T-junction. Since the lights were green, I only barely slowed down until I saw a car coming out from the junction. Confussed and shocked, I turned to look at the traffic lights again just in case I made a mistake to see it green and I wasn't the one at fault. Confussion turned to annoyance to the carelessness of the other driver and I turned to look, just to send the message of my annoyance.

It was Brian! Was I ever angry...I'm just glad he later text messaged me saying that it was his fault and he was sorry. I jumped to the opportunity of him buying me ice cream as an apology.

So there, things did indeed happen in three for me this evening. It was annoying how it happened one after the other within a time frame of 2 hours, but it did. Arthur laughed at the evening's events, saying that it could only happen to me, which in a way is true but that does not mean I find it funny. I just hope nothing like that happens again...EVER!

Wise Sayings

2008-07-21T23:55:00.007-05:00

"Vespa? You want a vespa? You can't even ride a bicycle!"

Arthur should really thank his lucky stars that we were talking about it on the phone or else I would not have hesitated to strangle and squeeze the very last breath out of him.

To set records straight...I CAN ride a bicycle, since as long as I can remember. I can ride a motorcycle since I was 10 and learnt how to drive when I was 14! So his accusation was entirely an unfounded accusation with no evidentiary proof. BUT this is really not what I wanted to blog about.

I was sitting in my room when a flood of wise sayings I've picked up from friends came flooding in. It's really funny about how hilarious they might seem but there really is a lot of truth in them. Here's one, which I totally have to agree on even if perhaps it should be worded in a much nicer way...

Yugi, "NOBODY dies a VIRGIN because life ends up fucking you in the end". Of course we're not referring to physical celibacy, it's just a metaphor, but it's undeniably true. Life always has a way of creating obstacles in life, which we find totally screws us up. It's frustrating but at the end of the day it's true what the saying says...What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.

Kelly, "You should buy clothes that fits you just nice or else slightly smaller to motivate yourself to maintain or loose weight. Buying clothes one or two sizes bigger only gives you an excuse to put on weight". Again I find that true. This especially applies to the female gender. Most of the time we buy clothes we love/like and when we actually invest a lot into buying that one piece of clothing we want it to last a very long time. Gaining weight means that we can either put it into storage hoping that one day we'll fit into it again or give it away. When it fits just nice or slightly smaller, then we work hard to maintain or shed some weight. Call us complicated, but women sometimes need self motivation to stay focused.

So there, that's the two that I remember. I shouldn't have procrastinated and delayed writing up this entry, because now I can only remember two of those wise sayings. Another lesson learnt - procrastination is BAD. But since when have I heeded that anyway?

A cup half empty

2008-07-21T04:14:00.007-05:00

There's nothing worst than having a heavy feeling in your heart, very much close to a time when you'll be gone for a very long time. What makes it harder is the fact, where you have to force a cheery voice and personality to cover it up. It's more draining than a hectic day. To add on to that, you have someone practically almost breathing down your neck. Yes - at the moment, nothing is worst than what I feel now.

I guess I should be glad that the whole day wasn't as dreadful as what I'm feeling now. I did in fact have a nice time playing and cooing with the baby at the organic shop mom dragged me to. Plus there was some other considerably happy things as well...and the baby was really cute and laughed easily.

See? The baby really is cute. And I wasn't lying when I said it was so easy to make her laugh. I guess what I liked most about the laugh was that it made you feel good. It's just that for now, I'm confused about the whole dilemma I'm going through. I'm seriously trying to understand why was I meant to be caught in this very complicated situation, and whether at the end of the day I would be getting the outcome that I want.

How much longer must I wait anyway? Would I last until the very end? Aarati says the ending doesn't matter all that much...but it matters a lot to me...

When the fingers and brain are left to decide

2008-07-20T12:35:00.006-05:00

There's a lot of times when I let my paranoia gets the best of me. It's not something I'm actually proud of, but call it my Achilles Heel. But today, today I'm glad to be proven twice wrong about it. And that what makes whatever crappy thing that has happened today seem so insignificant.

It's hard being a girl today =) what with feminism running rampant, we girls...*ehem* women, have more to prove. We have to prove that our motto of equality towards women should not be overlooked and that we are as much competent as men if not more. Of course it's a long time raging battle of the sexes, but it really is only barely starting to get old.

This evening, I had to prove I can drive a manual (although I have done it a lot of times). Partly because it was an attempt to cheer me up and partly to see my skills as a girl driving a shift stick; a break from a long standing habit of driving auto transmission cars. I'm glad to say that I passed, since I drove all the way to our destination without having the engine stall even once *pats self on the back*. The bad news is...I might have to drive that car to KK on the pretext of good exercise (since its claimed that I don't get any).

But first things first is to get the parents to agree, that I could go away for the weekend. I'm old enough to supposedly make that decision but I have to say that being financially dependent to your parents makes all things dimmer on your side. For the next few days I would really have to depend on my ally, so that at least I could get my weekend getaway before I leave for the States next month.

2.00am. The perfect time to start singing Anna Nalick's Breathe, but today has been a long day. So long, that even after my nap I woke up tired. Emotional and physical lethargy is definitely not a good mixture. And so, I take my leave and head off to my personal dreamland. Good Night...

Monday Evening

2008-07-16T08:17:00.006-05:00

*This is an updated version of the previous entry, because I finally felt I could write what I feel rather than some garbled up version*

I’ve always been a firm believer in perfection. I believe that when something needs to be done, it should be done according to a specified checklist. What I never considered was that, some things don’t require perfection in the process leading to the final results. That art, is not about perfection, but talent. Talent, and the ability in one’s self to believe in one’s self, in delivering or performing the talent.

So when Arthur invited me over to see Cristopher and his sister Maxinne practice for their cousin’s wedding reception in August, I wasn’t exactly expecting the final outcome to be as what is shown in the 3 videos. I simply thought that it would be a nice change from my pretty much routine Monday evenings back home; I’m glad to be proven wrong.

Here is what I’ve learnt – playing the guitar and singing doesn’t necessarily require a special practice room like I normally see my other friends do. I should have learnt that from Kelly’s homemade videos. It doesn’t matter where music is played. It’s the spontaneity of the whole evening, coupled with the background sounds of crickets was what made it more relaxed and very much less pretentious. Also, though quality could not be denied of its importance, the talent of the performer supersedes it. For it is that, what brings the message across.

So I really hope you guys enjoy the 3 home videos below. And just a little addition at the end, pictures of the kids I took during that evening.

Here's the video of Cristopher on the guitar with Maxinne singing Especially For You.

Cristoper (Topo) playing Day Tripper/Lady Madonna.

And the last video...Maxinne singing LOVE.

Here are some pictures of the evening. Sorry they're all pictures of kids, but since I'm not good in photography, I more or less spoilt the other pictures.

Beaumont trying to grab the camera with Maxinne

Cassie...cute as ever...cuddly too!

Yes of course it's OUT! Melody just wanted to pose with that shisha thingamajig.

Kids just have the sweetest pose...Beaumont at the stairs

Of total boredom, desperation and lame-ness

2008-07-12T01:41:00.004-05:00

Nope there is definitely no Wi-fi connection at church. So what this is, is a word saved document which would later be saved and posted :)

Basically what I’m doing now is sitting at the kindergarten waiting for participants for this marriage/family enrichment seminar. Nope I’m not a participant, more like an involuntary volunteer. The thing is, dad more or less offered my help without consulting me. I wouldn’t have minded except that this plan totally clashed with my date and I’m totally forced to cancel it :(. I guess i’d have to settle with a quick breakfast with him later.

I am totally BORED. My job is to sit at the registration desk and wait for people to come and collect their nametags. Other than that, I just sit at my ‘desk’ doing nothing, which is why I’ve decided to type out this blog (even though it’s kinda annoying mom that I’m sitting here typing).

10 minutes to 8am and only less than half has come and the seminar is scheduled to begin in 10 minutes! I am definitely stuck here until at least ¾ of the participants come. JOY! – NOT!

Ok...now I’m totally getting some sort of mental block and can’t even think about what to say anymore. Call it boredom or desperation to leave...I call it both :)

*just pure boredom and no offense meant to my volunteering*

Shhh...

2008-07-09T14:29:00.002-05:00

Secrets. Something everybody has in common. Every one untold for its very own reasons – be it a fantasy too unrealistic to be shared or some dark secret shared only among those involved. Yet not all secrets could be bad. Secrets that makes one feel so good that the very thought of it makes the person hugs him/herself in delight are always meant to be kept. Some keep secrets of dark thoughts, thoughts worrisome enough to make a person wonder if it’s time to visit a shrink.

No matter what the secret is, we all have our reason as to why it is meant to be a secret and not something shared even with those we consider dear to us.

However, every once in a blue moon, there comes a time when secrets can no longer be kept alone. The very taught of the burden of the secret drives us to insanity and depression and encloses us inch by inch until we retreat into ourselves, ending up as a shell. It consumes you from the inside, spreading fast, malignant in every way.

I’ve felt how potent secrets could be. I’ve had those secret thoughts that scare you. I’ve seen how secrets have ruined a person. Seen how a person who was once a cheerful, strong willed girl, retreat within.

Thinking about it today made me wonder how one small secret makes you feel isolated from others. How influential a secret could be to a person’s life that it builds a wall, cutting us off from even the people we love.

One tiny little secret...treacherous in its own unexpected way.

twin otter

2008-07-04T10:18:00.008-05:00

I've finally uploaded the pictures of the twin otter plane we took back to Sandakan last June. Never thought that I would ever fly in that kind of plane because I can't really take flying in small aircrafts (not being snobbish it's more because it shakes more than bigger planes).

Anyway flying the twin otter was actually a mistake on mom's side. She didn't realize what aircraft the flight was when she made the reservations. Well to be more honest, she never knew MAS flew such a small commercial plane in the first place and thought it would be either a fokker or a boeing. She didn't even get what the lady at the check-in counter meant by it being a small plane until she saw how horrified I was.

But anyway the flight wasn't bad at all. Other than it taking twice the flying time as a boeing, and noisy since the engine is so near it was kind of fun. It was so small the seats reminded me of sitting in one of those commercial mini vans.

See? That's how small a Twin Otter is. It can only sit less than 20 passangers at a time.

These are the seats in the aircraft. Yup people...totally unlike the ones you normally sit in. Told you it was more like those old mini van seats.

Since I can't randomly start taking people's picture, here's Sam to pose as the passenger (which of course he is one).

And finally the cockpit. To which I think can barely be called one since we could see it throughout the flight. And yeah you guessed it...no stewards or stewardesses!

SFX reunited

2008-06-19T07:04:00.008-05:00

I've been putting too many things on hold that this post is way beyond outdated by now. Still I think it's worth the memory to take the trouble for.

HIGH SCHOOL REUNION!!

What a night that was! Meeting those I haven't met in years as well as those I haven't seen since I finished high school. People change and people stay the same. We also put on weight...*tee hee*.

The evening kick started when dad sent me and Faye to the hotel, where we met up with Beth. Sainty later picked us up there on her way back from getting our BAILEY'S!!! (Oh yeah plus Kenny's vodka and gin). Dinner at Little Italy was superb with lots of talking going on. I must say, I've forgotten how animated Ian is when he talks.

After dinner we headed off to Cock and Bull at The Harbour (I think that's what the place is called) for after dinner drinks and small talks before heading off to our real main agenda for the night. Sitting half way down the table is a real advantage since you get to join conversations on both sides. It's funny recalling all the things that we've done while we were in high school. I was glad sitting there having tons of good laugh.

Next stop...Shenanigans! The organizer had definitely planned everything to the minute detail. Live band...dances...and more drinks! The evening definitely didn't seem to be ending. In fact, Susanto, whom I've thought to be always quiet back in school was the live and soul of the group. He definitely was spreading lots of love around...LOL!

And of course goodbyes are always the hardest! We said our goodbyes to the guys outside the club where we girls had out own after party at our hotel room with Faye and Flo already waiting. More catching up to do and boy we couldn't wait for all those girly talks :)

We finally ended up sleeping somewhere around 6am...though some didn't.

Damsels in distress

2008-06-04T22:15:00.008-05:00

So what's up with the damsels in distress? Besides, what has it got to do with fuel price increase anyway? Well the thing is...it has every single thing to do with it and a modified saying which says "A laugh for a laugh".

The evening began without anything out of the ordinary, where we went back to Papar for one of our visits. So on the way, Edna sends an sms saying that fuel price was going to increase by 50%. When we got to Moing's I told Tracy and she said she'll go fill her car tank after dinner. So after dinner, which we had as soon as she finished cooking coz we were starving, me and her ended up having a cousin-to-cousin serious talk, until dad told us to get on the move and go fill her tank up.

When we got to Papar bridge sometime before 8.30pm it was already jammed with cars, god knows how far back since we were already in the middle of this very long queue. Since there's only 2 petrol stations in Papar that's hardly surprising (I think). Tracy decided on Shell so we turn in towards the town area. At the second roundabout, a car signals that Shell is out of gas, and since we weren't stuck in the queue yet, I thought we were lucky and turned out of town towards Petronas. That's where the nightmare begins!

Back to the town roundabout. Several cars die on the streets while, several turn off their headlights, a/c and some even their engines. Half way around the roundabout, we see a car whose engine stalls and the passenger jumps out to push the car. Being the meanies we were born to be, Tracy and I were making jokes about all this.

2 hours later, we haven't even moved 100 meters. The station seemed so near yet so far at the same time. The five year old seems to be getting restless, plus she needs the bathroom. We see people pass us on foot filling in gallons with those precious liquid and we count how many trips they've made. The car in front switch drivers and we laugh since the initial driver is younger than the new one. 30 minutes later, Megan jumps in the car and joins our vigil. I on the other hand have been entertained by Arthur via sms plus call and Kenny called as well.

The time drags on. It's now 11.20pm and we're almost in front of the station. I count 20 cars away. The queue crawls a bit faster now. Tracy and I are tired of talking and joking around. Besides we ran out of serious talks. The car in front moves forward again and Tracy gets excited. I inch forward and suddenly...THE BLOODY CAR STALLS!!!! I turn the ignition, it gives a weak wheeze. Again...with the same results. Tracy begins to panic, and me well I feel like screaming WTF! I turn on the hazard lights. At least that's working. Cars begin to move around us to move up the queue.

One guy stopped next to us and I asked if he had a jumper cable. He didn't and just drove away. No other option left except to call the all time 24/7 emergency number. D-A-D-D-Y. We give our weak description of geographical coordinate and wait. Megan decides to be funny, so Tracy and I hit her back with hardcore sarcasm. I call Kenny to wail and he says, 'Go to the station and ask for help dummy' (well he didn't exactly called me dummy but I bet he would have lol).

Since Isabelle really needed to pee anyway, I decided to do just that. Went to the counter and of all the irony in the world, they don't have a cable jumper! He said he'd look around for one and I said I'll be back and asked where the washroom was. Went to relieve Isabelle from an almost bursting bladder and went back to the counter. The guy asked where the car was and I pointed it out to him. He came with his friend and pushed the car to the station.

So now here we are at the station but with an immobile car. The guy tells me to put the car in second gear while he pushes and tells me to release the clutch once he pushes. Still the car decided to play dead. Turned around and saw dad. Never was I ever so happy to see him. He drove and and produced the life saving car defibrillator...well ok the cable jumper. Tracy gives the engine a choke and...VROOM it roars to life. We turn to the attendant that helped us and asked if we could now jump the queue. Hahahaha...and he said 'yeah head for that pump'.

I jump in the backseat of Dad's car while Tracy fills her car up. Dad waits to check that everything is ok then walks back to the car. he tells us that the moment Tracy finished filling her tank, the price jumped to RM2.58/litres. We were lucky after all. *Jumps for joy* pppfffttt...

We drove back home to Moing's just to make sure the 3 damsels (only 3 left since I drove back with the parents) got home safe. After that, it was back home to KK and finally reaching home at 1am. Showered, had a bowl of leftover soup, checked my email, dried my hair, went to bed and...COULDN'T SLEEP. I'll be damned!

~ Now this is my longest ever entry. Good luck reading! ~

Because I'm Bored

2008-06-03T03:25:00.002-05:00

So here I am sitting in the living room at home in KK bored out of my wits not to mention pissed at the idiot web page, which for some reason won't open. Mom and dad are down with the flu and Sam is at Sugud for nearly a week already. Of course the whole day wasn't that boring but now that we're back home with nothing to do then boredom has set in.

Highlight of the day - Hing Tower. There's this newly built condo somewhere near Eden Heights that's simply superb. First of all it's sorta exclusive, since there's only 4 units per floor, which also means that each unit is big. Everything about it seems nice. We practically fell in love with the showroom the moment we stepped into it. Yes I know show rooms are always made to be nice, but even the empty units look good too. How nice life would be if things like these could be bought on a whim :)

Back to boredom. The house is super quiet! And for some reason, all those noisy neighbours have also decided to be quiet as well to emphasize on the word BOREDOM! The only sound that can be heard is the fan and of course my typing. I guess I'll just go to my room and continue reading my book. Wish I could have a bowl of soup but the tom yam taste from lunch is still stuck at the back of my throat. Oh Mon Dieu!

Sinundai Family Gathering

2008-06-01T10:40:00.005-05:00

Well the family gathering this time might not have been as big as a typical Bandasa gathering since it was only extended to the Sinundai family, still that doesn't mean it wasn't like any typical Kaamatan family gathering! Good food, dances, games, "live band" (that was meant to be sarcastic tho!), traditional gongs and lots more. The only thing left out this time was the unduk ngadau since that's normally reserved for Bandasa's gathering.

The traditional food was superb! I loved the rice wrapped in tarap leaves, and the buffalo meat stew bapa tua cooked. Yum Yum! It's been so long since I've had good traditional kadazan food. Too bad they didn't serve hinava this year. But anyway, here are a couple of videos during the sazau papar competition. I must say that it's not as easy at it looks!

This next one includes aunts,uncles and cousins playing the traditional music. See my aunt play the kulintangan!

Pictures to be uploaded soon!

KOTOBIAN TADAU KAAMATAN

2008-05-30T10:21:00.003-05:00

HAPPY HARVEST FEST!!!

Being the biggest celebration here in Sabah, I have to say that this year doesn't seem as festive as every year. But still at least this is the first year after so long for me to go back to Hongkod during harvest again. It really wasn't something planned, but since cousin Megan was performing the Papar district traditional dance I thought I'd go see her, since it's gonna be the last time for me to anyway. I'm glad I did too since she was excellent (we her older generations - Edz, Tracy and me have are so bad at it!) and I got to see my former school perform as well and I have to say that they are still as good as they used to be.

So today being the official 2 day celebration, mom decided to see what they had on display at the stalls at the traditional houses. Darn it was so hot, plus I had to hold on to a 5 year old who kept pulling me around to see the things she wanted. Thank goodness we didn't stay long or I would have gone mad. After that, the day became a typical KK break day where we went shopping and carry out some errands. Oh yeah and shopping for Belle was on the list this time too. Nightmare!!! I had to look at too many pink stuff today that my vision started seeing pink everywhere.

So next on the list for Kaamatan would be the Sinundai family gathering at the official Malim's residence. My mistake earlier when I thought it was going to be a Bandasa event. Thank goodness it isn't because a Bandasa event would be simply to huge for me to actually last hanging out the whole day. As for tomorrow, I just want to stay home with a good book and maybe catch a movie in the evening with the kids.

Pain...

2008-05-08T11:44:00.003-05:00

Pain. People say it's good, essential to help us feel alive. But why? I just don't get it. I understand its presence. Just not its good part of the whole deal. It's confusion, agony, and pulls under like a whirlpool. It seduces right before it encloses itself around you...no way out, no where to run.

I'm not sure what got me into thinking about it, but the thought of it just couldn't escape me. No...I'm not it's victim as for now. I was a few months back, but I'm back out again. It's just that the thought of it suddenly haunted me and left me wondering why is it necessary? To make us stronger and wiser they say. Yet is such a lesson needed?

If the scar it left could be seen, we'd be gladiators of our days. Medals of our wisdom - of what we've been through and walked out to tell our tale would be engraved on us. And it consumes the happiness we've been through. As though it doesn't matter as much as the pain. Happiness becomes the bittersweet of life and pain it's morale booster. How oxymoronic!

I want to live everyday with laughter, with happiness with no worries about the shadows. I know it's what everyone wants, I know it's simply too idealistic of me, yet I'm not one to stray far from the idealist groupies at the moment. As for now they seem to offer some solace in my thinking of that one simple word.

The holiday must really be affecting me :) I've been treading around too carefully. I've been tiptoeing, making sure it's not the loose boards i land my feet on. Maybe...maybe I'm just too bored :)

Home Sweet Home...not!

2008-05-03T10:53:00.002-05:00

I've been back home three days now, which means that I've finished my exams like a week ago. So now it's down to agonizing for the results of my very last finals in ADP. I must say though that I wasn't that stressed out for this exam as I was for the previous ones. I was actually kinda relaxed throughout the whole exam preparation period.

Anyway, back to the being home again. Who would have thought that this homecoming wasn't just accompanied by boredom but by food poisoning as well! The evening we arrived home, mom took my out for dinner at this new bak kut teh place which she promises is as good as the usual place we go to. Indeed it was not! That night I couldn't even sleep because of nausea and horrible tummy aches. Next day, I could barely pick up the phone to wake Kenny up let alone call him to ask how things were with the car. The body ache that accompanied the food poisoning was simply torture.

The whole day I was only drinking fluids and my first meal of the day was dinner. Despite finally being hungry, even that couldn't stay long in me. Thank goodness that today I'm at least sans body aches or I don't think I would have survived another day with it again.

So that's exactly how my homecoming this time has been. Boredom with a strong dose of food poisoning. Who says homecoming was always fun and delightful?

4am

2008-04-24T14:47:00.003-05:00

Exams are over and here I am left packing my ADP life away, in time to ship it back before flying back home myself next Thursday. I seriously can't believe that almost 2 years have gone by since I first entered ADP. Like they say time flies.

With exams done and over with, the latest tv series comebacks are simply being aired at the perfect timing. What I need is to de-stress myself and what I have are new episodes! The only thing that irritates me now is the weekly wait in between episodes, which always makes the week seem longer. For instance, Gossip Girl episode 14's ending leaves such a big suspense that I had to go tv.com to at least get a gist of next week's episode, which turned out to be more of a spoiler instead.

OMG! It's 4am and I still can't sleep! I seriously hate the after effect of exams. I always end up this way after exams which I feel so stressed on. This semester, although more laid back compared to last is seriously a killer towards the end. I still can't believe that my business law paper turned out to be completely murderous! Now because of that I'm wide awake until this pressure wears off. I wish I took clarityne from Kenny just now. At least I would be sleeping by now.

15 Minutes Til Closing Time

2008-04-16T08:43:00.002-05:00

Yup. Like the entry title says, it's 15 minutes until the library closes and having finished the enhancement exercise for ECON 203, I figured that 15 minutes is enough time to actually blog some nonsense.

My last few days in ADP has been quite hectic. Seriously, compared to last semester, this semester's ending seems more hectic. There's so many things to wrap up before sitting for the exams next week. BUT most importantly before leaving ADP for good! I still don't know what am I going to do with that long freedom until I leave in August except for the 5 days when Aarati and Dhaya will be visiting. Other than that...TBA!

University application updates - NIL. I'm really sitting at the edge of my seat now. End of the semester and still no reply from ISU. I know I have Towson as a backup but I really really really want to transfer to ISU. I really do hope that email requesting me to fill in the Generation Scholarship form equals acceptance.

Tomorrow - only one class with nothing to do after that. I guess I'll go visit the twins. I really miss them and I can't believe I'll be missing so many things to laugh about them with Brenda. How I wish I didn't promise Mom that I would be flying back with her on May 1st. I'll seriously be missing so many activities the guys have planned after the exams. Damn it! On the other hand, Anthony's coming back from Aussie so I guess that's something to look forward to.

Time check - 10 minutes before closing time. Not bad for a short entry. :P

Towards the end

2008-04-09T13:05:00.004-05:00

So here I am, half asleep at 2am waiting for my all of a sudden retarded washing machine to finish my laundry. With nothing to do and denied this sleeping hour by the laundry, I realized how my time in ADP is fast coming to an end. Only a little more than a week left for me to spend time with my 'ADP Sayangs' before the exams and then our final goodbyes. Someone said today that 5 semesters in ADP is simply too long and boring. Yes I have to admit that it somehow is.

After being in ADP for 5 semesters, I simply feel trapped and confined within the 12th floor. Of course nothing beats the ADP life and there's no denying that, because if you haven't enjoyed your time in ADP then serious self-reflection is in need. But as time passes by things seem to repeat itself and you're left with the feeling that you want something new.

If you're wondering, yes I have discovered my something new, with enough time to enjoy it and later miss the good time without having tire of it. Something to think about and laugh along with all the other memories of ADP in later life.

Finally the laundry's done. I found out what went wrong and unfortunately the machine wasn't retarded after all. Much as I hate to admit, it was my fault after all. Which means I robbed myself from an hour of sleep. Darn!

Catalyst

2008-04-08T06:49:00.002-05:00

It's been 4 days since Joanna got back from Canada, and so far I've been to a mall with her twice. Both times I end up buying something and she nothing. I then realized that the whole time she was away, I've hardly bought anything except for those things I actually need. But less than 24 hours with her I ended up buying a pair of shorts from Dorothy Perkins and today a pair of earrings from Forever 21. Normally, it simply takes me a long time to decide on whether or not to buy something. I therefore here declare Joanna as my Shopping Catalyst.

Yup, I know it sounds totally dumb, but when the last shopping I did was with her before she left and after that nil until she got back, one has to come up with a conclusion to it. I'm not saying I regret buying all both items, but what I'm saying is that, I would not have bought it if I had gone out with someone else. Hahaha...I really miss having her around. The only thing that she's stopping me from buying now is that FCUK sunglasses I've been pining for since January.

A little more than 2 weeks until mom comes over to KL. It's good to know that my personal banker is coming so that I can do serious shoppings with her. I've already made a mental list of the things I want, need, have to have, etc. I really really can't wait!

Hmmm...if Joe saw this he would be giving me a short lecture on what a shopping addict I am. On my defense, I say that I only do it with certain people around and not as a ritual. I mean seriously, my shoppings can really only be done with my Shopping Catalysts, without them I'm left window shopping and indecisive with what to buy.