First In Line

There's so many things on my mind. Being swamped with work doesn't seem to be helping much in pushing them out. Most of the time they lurk somewhere at the back despite my needing my utmost attention at work.

So what's a girl gotta do? OK well been listening to Matthew Mayfield - First In Line over and over again for the past two days. Pathetic? Yup I hear ya. If my Ipod could say something it would have long since told me to change to another song or just kill it already. But the thing is that the song kind of have this really calming effect.

I really can't wait for Sainty to get here next month. We've both already have the whole evening planned out. Dinner, a bottle of wine or champagne and a whole night of catching up over the past year. So many things have happened since we've left high school. Sometimes I wonder if I really am my age or should I be older because of all that has happened.

Igrid Michaelson

I've always loved this song...and I just loved this version by Igrid Michaelson. Those who watch OTH would know this song from Lucas' and Peyton's wedding ceremony.

In Loving Memory of Teacher Catherine Yong

We are reminded how fragile our lives are everytime someone we know passes away. How sudden deaths make us stop in our tracks and reexamine our lives. We realize once again how short life is...that it takes not only the old but the young as well. That at this young age, we aren't invincible after all.

I don't have much memories of Teacher Cath, since I was only in SFX for a year and a half. So unlike my other ex-schoolmates, I didn't have the privilege of being taught by her, except the privilege of knowing her. It's sad that only now, being much older do I actually start to appreciate my teachers back in school. Only now do I realize that their sarcasm didn't really matter much because they were the ones that normally got me all fired up to prove them wrong. Darn reverse psychology! *smiles*

Hearing about her passing just reopened all those worries and fears. It reminded me to live. To appreciate the people around me and to let those I love know how much they mean to me and how much I love them. I never want the regret of never having told someone how much they've meant to me. I don't want knowing that I let pride stand in my way and never get back something again because it was too late. I just want to live and feel alive.

I hope her soul is at peace and that her husband and family find solace from the love and support of relatives and friends.

The Right Time

There are times in life when the rule 'The Right Time' does not apply. When you need to just follow your heart and take the plunge into whatever it is that brings you happiness. I didn't use to think that way, and I thought Bren crazy when she told me she was getting married the same day I got to know she was in a relationship. She then proceeded to ask me, "So when is the right time?" I replied her, "Later". She prompted me again, "When is later? There would always be a later. There's no such thing as the right time. It feels right now..."

Today chatting with Michelle on Facebook reminded me again about that conversation. It's true...when is the right time? There's always reasons to not do something, to say it isn't the right time even if everything is already in place. Spontaneity might not necessarily be spontaneous if you get what I mean. Like Bren, Mich followed her heart. I thought it was a joke when I saw her status on FB. In her place, I would not have had the guts to do it. Even with the right guy, I doubt I would have because being me, my heart and my mind always say two different things. But Michelle, she followed her heart, grabbed this wonderful chance to be with the person who completes her...and is getting hitched in Chile this Thursday. I really can't be any more happy for her than what I feel now.

Yup...that's the happy couple. Michelle looks so radiantly happy here...and of course this picture was taken before the engagement. But she looks so blissfully happy here...just like the very person who found the right one.

I've seen missed chances. I've seen time so short, that everything was gone in a blink of the eye. I've seen regrets and wishes of turning back time. I've seen people left with only bittersweet memories. It's not what I would want for myself. But sometimes, I do see myself heading in that direction...and that scares me and makes me more paranoid than what I already am *smiles*

And back to Bren...well she's happily married with twin boys who can't be any more adorable. So yes...when is the right time? They took the chance and they're both as happy as can be. I'm not ready to get married (God FORBID!), but I am ready and would want to take the plunge into whatever that makes me happy. There really isn't the right time...the perfect time...because the heart knows what feels right...what it is to feel home and happy, the mind just debates the rationale of it...but when all you feel is content, maybe it is the time to tell the mind to slow down and just embrace what the heart knows what feels perfectly right.


*Mich...sorry...pinjam first la your picture with Miguel.

Happiness!

Things really are different when you're happier. You look different, you sound different (well ok...that's pretty much obvious)...and even the way you chat seems way more chirpy (apparently). I never did realize that until coming back home over the summer and having close friends saying how I seem much happier with my life now. I have to say they couldn't be more RIGHT!

Last semester was a total chaos for me. Not only was I depressed most weekends, but half of my mind was always occupied with worries that I could have done very much without. Back then getting up and putting up a happy demeanor was simply exhausting...and once everything just fell apart I went from tired to seriously almost nearing nervous breakdown (or maybe I did). The slightest thing made me cry, which of course surprised those closest to me and just made them worry especially since they weren't somewhere nearby. Well whatever it is...I'm just glad that episode is over and good riddance to it.

I guess this semester have got to be the best. For once, I actually decided to take things slow and easy without a stick up my arse. Yeah...there were times when all those tests and deadlines were killing me, but nothing huge or crazy. I'm glad I had all those people around me this semester to actually keep all the cheer - both new and old. As for those who mean a lot to me in ISU...well no names need to be mentioned. You guys know who you are =)

And...that slight dip in my grade...TOTALLY WORTH IT! (I know it sounds crazy coming from me...even for me)