Where Do I Go From Here?

It's been a long time since I updated my blog. A lot has been going on and of course that that hasn't as well. Back in Ames again and going on week 7 into classes. Another busy semester...yada...yada...same old...same old.

I'm still plagued about the choices I made over summer or more like the choices I didn't make. I really do have to put pride aside. Do I regret what I've done? Well of course I do. I should have listened when they said that Summer is too long to leave things. Plus they were right when they said I could have both and not just one or the other. I knew they were right about it, but then again like I said it was pride that kept me from doing what I really wanted.

So what do I do now that it's too late? Make amends or just leave things aside? A part of me wants fate to determine the next move, but since when has fate been the problem solver? Fate only moves in the direction you want it to be. I still have to make the first move for it and let things go the way it is meant to be.

I really wish things were easy. Maybe they are if I just learn from my lesson and put pride aside (as what Chloe and Rachel keeps saying). But perhaps it is too late. I thought I was done and through with it a few weeks ago. Now...now I think that I was just telling myself that so that I won't blame myself. I'm not through with it. I just really don't know what my next moves are or what they should be.

I wish it were easier to give myself advice to follow through. I tell Sainty what she should do with how things are with Benny. Yet, I can't seem to find a solution for myself. I'm in a much less complicated situation in comparison. That's one thing I have to admire about her. She has the guts and determination to go through with what her heart is set for. I on the other hand deliberate too much. I know the answer, I just can't seem to have the guts to put things into motion. I know what I crave for, but pride always seem to keep me away from doing it.

So really now, where do I go from here?