when coping becomes hard

Day 2 and I’m surviving this whole ordeal sadly I admit, not as good as I had hoped. In fact, I was not even ‘not as good’. I failed miserably. I guess this time I would have to admit that it was more than what I could possibly chew.

I’ve been restless the whole day today. I’m extremely exhausted from last night’s drama and to think that it’s only the beginning is absolutely mind blowing and not in a good way. Still, life goes on as they say and the best I can do is to accept this as a whole new battle, which I’m yet to find a way around.

Sometimes it’s really funny how you find things when you least expect it. I came home, choosing to take summer off and just be bored for a whole 3 months (and mind you, regretting it during the first week itself), getting the total opposite instead! Indeed I admit that I would have laughed if anyone would have told me, that this is what I would be facing back home. I would have said that this isn’t a place for such dramas, but a place left alive fueled with small town going ons.

Needless to say that I miss my friends horribly. Sure they’re there for me throughout this whole thing, but sometimes physical comfort is what a person needs instead of comforting and reassuring words. Now I’m just sounding like a real ungrateful brat. And that’s not how it is, because I really appreciate them so much. They’ve been there for me, keeping sacred our friendship. No questions. No judgments. Just soothing words how everything would turn out well in the end.

So I’m still here, holding on and hoping that the ‘everything to gain’ part I mentioned in the last entry would come soon, with no more dramas. No more tests.

4 days BEGONE!!

Back in Sandakan again after a 6 hour drive to which it was raining heavily most of the way. No more euphoric feeling like Saturday, just a certain hard fallback to normalcy.

So right now sitting on my bed, I'm wishing I can go back to my Saturday afternoon with Sainty to consult her about this awful feeling I'm feeling now. Even retail therapy didn't do the trick this time, or maybe it would have if the news weren't broken to me after it. Nope...I don't think shopping would have helped this time.

It's just that...it really feels like someone throwing ice cold water at you while you were sleeping to a real fantastic, fairy tale dream. You wake up to a horrific nightmare, and since it's reality you'll never wake up from it.

I really want Wednesday to Saturday morning to just be erased out from this week. Those would certainly be long days, to which every second would seem like an hour long with a nagging feeling that just won't go away.

Much though I hate what's going to happen, I guess I've decided to cope and be grown up about it, even though it's really not what I feel like doing. It's the best thing I can do and acting any other way would only make things worse, and worse is not an option.

Sometimes play acting really is just a part of life. Like it or not, it's something inevitable that has to be accepted. There's a lot of times in life when we're forced to do things we don't like, to accept things that we can't change. To just swallow the bitterness and put on a happy face.

So I'm very much determined to face those four days. At the end of the day, there really is nothing to lose but everything to gain. And I look forward to the gaining part.

I'm in KK part II

I'm glad the car wouldn't start today and that I had to send the battery to the shop to recharge it.


Think me crazy. Think me odd. But if it hadn't happened that way, today would not have turned out the way it did. I would not have had that long talk with my bestie, and finally get all those things off my shoulder. Then again, maybe it was the massage that did it. Whatever it is, a bit of pampering coupled with a girls' day out are exactly what a girl needs to take all those tension off the shoulder.


Going back to Papar was also checked off my KK list. Visited moing and said goodbye to Tracy, Megan and Belle. It was kind of sad saying bye to them, but at least I wouldn't have to leave without personally saying bye.


Shopping however had to be crossed off my agenda. Sainty and I agreed that there wasn't decent enough time for proper shopping. So dinner at McDonald's it was, and lucky enough that we did.


You see, the reason I said it was lucky that the car wouldn't start today is because if it did, we would have perhaps been driving separate cars, or maybe my car to get it running since it's hardly used. We would have gone back to Papar earlier and gone shopping. We wouldn't have had dinner at McD's and later stop by at Public Bank's ATM...and found RM200, which Sainty practically split with me!



*hugs self with glee*

I'm in...

KK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and psyched to be here! My last and final getaway before I leave in 2 weeks time. It may sound cliched when I say the last 3 months went by in a flash...but it seriously did. Now I'm half dreading and half excited to leave. I'm glad though that Dave would be there too so I won't feel totally alone.

Back to my KK getaway (give me a break I know it's only KK). Today would be a day where I'm supposed to do the laundry, shop for some stuff, go back to Papar and then hopefully go for another round of pampering with Sainty. *Dreamy sigh*

I can't wait...can't wait...can't wait...

OK I seriously need to go...being kicked off the comp to go get ready for breakfast by a certain very pushy someone *wink and smiles*

Will continue this later when I'm totally free and have more things to say other than being psyched =)

They say things happen in three

Call it superstition. Call it coincidence. I leave that for you to decide.

But seriously, this evening's events unfurled with me having to chauffeur Sam and his friends to church. After that, things just happened one after the other.

Event 1: Driving with the fog lights on.
I seriously did not realize I was doing this. I did realize that my headlights were unusually yellow, but decided that perhaps Dad changed the lights without telling me. So I drove all the way to church from my house with the fog lights turned on, and perhaps passing a lot of annoyed drivers on the way.

It was only at church, when I saw my friend whose car I tailgated (I know it sounds like stalking but I was not) somewhere near the church and asked him if he knew it was me even before I flashed my headlights at him. Here's what he said...

"Yeah I knew it was you before, because you're the only car in Sandakan that drives with the fog lights on"

Apparently it wasn't my first time driving with the fog lights, and I NEVER knew about this. He on the other hand thought I was a hoot and said only I was capable of such thing. Sure I was a bit upset because I hate being caught in situations that makes me look totally illiterate when it comes to cars.

Event 2: Car key stuck in the ignition.
Well after dropping the kids off at church, I decided to stop over to buy mom the pancakes she likes. Found a parking, parked, turned the engine off, but couldn't get the key OUT! I tried turning it slowly, tried turning the engine back on and off again still with the same result. Few tries later I knew I couldn't do it myself and with Dad away on business, I needed to find a new emergency saviour.

Well he did come, but at the expense of missing the Novena prayers. Call it opportunity cost but I on the other hand felt real guilty about it. So he tries getting the key out from the ignition. Another friend who happened to be there also tried, but to no avail.

After sometime, my friend slides behind the wheel and tells me to get in the car. So I meekly said goodbye to the other friend and got into the passenger seat, all the time laden with guilt thinking my friend was angry or annoyed with me. He wasn't of course, but we did have to find a mechanic who could take that green key out!

Since all the car shops were closed, he called his mechanic friend and explained the situation. The friend in turn gave a series of instructions to follow and Lo Behold! The key came out! So we drove back to my friend's car since he had to return to church again. I on the other hand, headed for home.

Event 3: When someone runs a red light.
So on the way home, I have to pass a set of traffic lights at a T-junction. Since the lights were green, I only barely slowed down until I saw a car coming out from the junction. Confussed and shocked, I turned to look at the traffic lights again just in case I made a mistake to see it green and I wasn't the one at fault. Confussion turned to annoyance to the carelessness of the other driver and I turned to look, just to send the message of my annoyance.

It was Brian! Was I ever angry...I'm just glad he later text messaged me saying that it was his fault and he was sorry. I jumped to the opportunity of him buying me ice cream as an apology.


So there, things did indeed happen in three for me this evening. It was annoying how it happened one after the other within a time frame of 2 hours, but it did. Arthur laughed at the evening's events, saying that it could only happen to me, which in a way is true but that does not mean I find it funny. I just hope nothing like that happens again...EVER!