Trials and Tribulations

*raises glass* Here's to an effing life!

I've come to a place in life where it's either this or that and nothing in between. Unfortunately unlike the ones that I've been through before, this one plagues me no end. I'm pressured to making a decision and either way, not making one is killing me as much as making one. Truth be told, I really don't know where to go from here.

Advices and opinions that come pouring in doesn't seem as helpful. I'm not ungrateful, but both makes a lot of sense equally. In the end, I'm left debating all my points and their points and still very much indecisive in my decision.

I really wish that I could just push matters aside. The only thing is that, day by day it occupies a bigger part of what is on my mind. Being busy doesn't help, going home makes things worse since there's nothing much to do, and everything I did this weekend that helped lessen it if not all really went to waste after coming back home. A new hairdo and shopping barely made a dent to this steely feeling. It's been another expensive weekend; one I can't afford to repeat a third time around.

I've finally come to understand that annoying *slits wrist* expression. I used to be so annoyed about it, but in the past few days it's the only thing that seems to pop into mind. No, I'm not being suicidal here nor am I using it for the same reason the last person I knew who used it. I'm just saying that it's been popping a lot in my head recently and I don't know why but it does complement my current mood and worries.

*rolls eyes* Cheers...

A little prayer

I often forget in my good times the abundance of blessings God has given me. I'm ashamed to say that for the past 6 months I have hardly attended mass especially whenever my heart feels heavy. I succumb to the rationale of better staying away given the lack of attention during mass by the burdens in my heart. I've forgotten the calmness I normally feel whenever I'm in church. The feeling that being alone in my worries, the pain of my heavy heart, the confusions in my mind are always made more bearable sitting in the pews. Yet despite my absence in church, God has never left my side and reaches to me through friends and family. Always in his own way he let's me know his love and presence in my life. Here I share a short prayer someone sent me today. A prayer that came to me after a day burdened with things my heart has been bearing for quite sometime.

Father,

I ask you to bless my friends reading this right now.
I am asking You to minister to their spirit at this very moment.
Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy.
Where there is self doubting, release a renewed confidence to work through them.
Where there is spiritual stagnation, I ask You to renew them by revealing Your nearness, and by drawing them into greater intimacy with You.
Where there is fear, reveal Your love, and release to them Your courage.
Bless their finances, give them greater vision, and raise up leaders and friends to support and encourage them.
Give each of them discernment to recognize the evil forces around them, and reveal to them the power they have in You to defeat it.
I ask you to do these things in Jesus' name.

Tower and Shelter Like No Other...

I don't know what made me visit Sher's blog tonight.

But I found what I needed to hear.

I found the very words that despite all my confusions, my worries and my trouble;

Despite being lost,

Despite all the tears for the past few weeks,

There's always a place, a person to turn to...

To just find my way back home.

"Your name, is a strong and mighty tower,

Your name is a shelter like no other...

cause nothing has the power to save but Your name"

~Paul Baloche - Your Name~

It's been a really good weekend. For the first time since everything has happened I'm feeling much calmer. I've been distracted and pretty much too occupied to think about it. Most of all...I've slept.I've forgotten what it's like to have such a restful sleep instead of just sleep. It really was the right decision to stay over at Edna's place for the weekend.