Pain...

Pain. People say it's good, essential to help us feel alive. But why? I just don't get it. I understand its presence. Just not its good part of the whole deal. It's confusion, agony, and pulls under like a whirlpool. It seduces right before it encloses itself around you...no way out, no where to run.

I'm not sure what got me into thinking about it, but the thought of it just couldn't escape me. No...I'm not it's victim as for now. I was a few months back, but I'm back out again. It's just that the thought of it suddenly haunted me and left me wondering why is it necessary? To make us stronger and wiser they say. Yet is such a lesson needed?

If the scar it left could be seen, we'd be gladiators of our days. Medals of our wisdom - of what we've been through and walked out to tell our tale would be engraved on us. And it consumes the happiness we've been through. As though it doesn't matter as much as the pain. Happiness becomes the bittersweet of life and pain it's morale booster. How oxymoronic!

I want to live everyday with laughter, with happiness with no worries about the shadows. I know it's what everyone wants, I know it's simply too idealistic of me, yet I'm not one to stray far from the idealist groupies at the moment. As for now they seem to offer some solace in my thinking of that one simple word.

The holiday must really be affecting me :) I've been treading around too carefully. I've been tiptoeing, making sure it's not the loose boards i land my feet on. Maybe...maybe I'm just too bored :)