final words of 2008

The last day of 2008. It's been a really long year...too long. I really can't wait to just move on to 2009 and start fresh. But seriously, I'm scared what 2009 has to offer and letting go of what has happened in 2008. I'm nervous, but I've also made a pact with someone about it being a new year and a new beginning.

Someone once said that when you open yourself up, you let the bad in with the good. This year seems to be filled with so much of the bad things, that I sometimes wonder if it had been better to be all closed up and just go on with the typical normal life I had, all busy with college, club activities, tutoring and hanging out with friends. Summer really changed everything. And summer would also have to be where all the problems began. But summer was also filled with the most amazing of things. It just went downhill as winter set in.

I learned a lot this year. It was a tough year, and not only for me, but it was a year that taught me to appreciate the things that happened as well. I wouldn't have traded summer for anything. But I can't deny that if given the option, I would change the things that has happened beginning from summer. Or maybe even given the chance, I would relive 2008 again. Still, I did the best I could in every situation, even when it didn't feel like it was the right thing, I did the best I could.

New year, new beginning. I never knew that pact would be one of the most difficult to keep. Even when it is for the best, it's the hardest thing. Letting go just seems too final.

Goodbye 2008. It's been a real tough year...and who would have thought it really wasn't my year after all. Not as I had thought it was *smile*

tag your it!

Sheesh Joe...lolz...I bet you did it because it was Christina who tagged you *big smile* you big softie brother! But then that's what I love about you, besides the fact that you're an awesome friend. I really was going to do it...but then I was thinking that I would come up with the lamest answers and decided against it. My friends already know how lame I am. No reasons to give them more reasons to with the answers I'll come up with. But I will answer one of the questions from the list...

Your 5 impression towards him/her (basically that means Joe):
1. Big Heart
2. Loving brother
3. Helpful
4. Hardworking
5. Simply awesome

Yours trully...the unrepentent shopaholic

Spend more...repent not! During sales and promotions of course. That principle does not apply for normal priced merchandises. Because during that period of time, I hibernate or scout for future sales ready to hit the mall or where ever it is I may shop.

Enough drama. The reason behind the excitement is because I'll be going off for a day trip to Minneapolis tomorrow to hit the outlet with Jocelyn and Allistair. I have to say I simply couldn't resist when Jocelyn called me this morning to ask me if I would like to go. Well truth be told I didn't want to go in the beginning because being the typical me, I mess dates up during the holidays and I seriously thought that today was the 30th instead of the 29th. But once I cleared that up, I simply couldn't resist! So I'll definitely be hitting the sack early tonight, since we're leaving early to have more time to shop and not come back too late. Besides, I more or less already made a list of shops I want to go to.

On an entirely different note, I can't believe it's really the end of the year. A lot has happened and I've had to manage quite a few transitions in life this year. Some handled very well, some not but I would like to believe they made me stronger in some ways. So what I've decided to do is to pack all that's happened in 2008 and just start a fresh 2009. No more looking back...well maybe once in a while, but I've realized that I've no where else to go but forward.

It's really been a tough year that began on a happy note that just didn't end as I would have expected it to end. Still I've learnt my lesson and there's nothing to look back to anymore. So I'm going to occupy the last 2 days in ending things although not the way as I would have liked it to end, but at least on my terms.

boxing day part 2

The shopping spree I had originally planned for Boxing Day went in a very different direction, especially since I only bought one piece of clothing. I did get my hair cut though, so that made me feel like I finally accomplished something. I've no idea how long have I been bellyaching about needing a hair cut especially my front hair and I finally got it done today. I don't even want to discuss the price, but I would say money well spent. Yes, I'm being a typical female here; going off to the hairdresser when being upset/bothered about something. After spending a couple of hours at the mall Michelle and I headed to WalMart, where we proceeded to get makeup. LOL!

Back home, we did what every normal girls do with their new haul. Try them on! In our case it would be the makeup. And yes we're VAIN! In a very nice way I would say. We were on our defense just making sure that we bought the right thing. Had dinner after all the make over, and when we were about to just wind down for the day, we had snowballs thrown to the apartment windows. Apparently Chee Bing bought a new toy gun and the guys decided to go outside to shoot at empty bottles. I have to say it was kinda hilarious looking at them shooting at the bottles in the cold.

So that's about all the things that happened on Boxing Day. Come to think about it...there really wasn't any interesting things going on unless you count the bad fog. Michelle and I joked about it being like the movie "The Mist". Well thank God it isn't (not that it's possible) and well we vote being stranded in Super WalMart if it ever did because at least there's food and change of clothes there.

Well yup no change in hairstyle to be honest. I did just say it was only a trim and to cut my front hair shorter. Didn't feel like wasting my curls away.

Boxing Day

Time to shop again! *big big big smile* Too bad being in Ames means that there's limited amount of shopping possible, but there's still online shopping. LOL! It's 2.36pm and we're still at home because we basically missed the 7am-1pm shopping spree at JCPenny since we all slept in. But the good news is that we're about to leave to go to the mall, so I'll continue this later. Shopping calls...unfortunately the debit card feels the friction everytime I buy something and my pocket smells of burnt fabric from the hole burned by shopping :)

Joyeux Noël et nouvelle année heureuse!

OK...I hope I got that right but for the time being, that'll do :)

I miss the family hugs at midnight and all the screaming and shouting going around. I miss the Christmas Eve turkey for lunch and picking at it again before leaving for Moing's. I miss the tradition of the whole family going to St Sabina's chapel for mass even though I don't understand Kadazan. I miss going back home from mass to a family dinner at Moing's sitting around with cousins to talk and laugh. I miss Christmas the next day where Edna, Sam and I would be so lazy like we were last year and only go back to Moing's in the afternoon but not before watching Friends reruns on TV and laughing our ass off especially when I said to Sam, "Sam can you get my lunch for me so I can watch it while eating Friends". LOL! That shocked Sam and made him laugh calling me an idiot. Most of all I miss our drive back to Moing's where Edna was driving since the parents went back ahead of us and made Sam and I listen to Kadazan oldies and drove us mad until Sam started to wail the song in the car and made it funny.

This year...my Christmas eve was about talking on the phone with May Hon until 5 mins before midnight in CB's room. Toasting Christmas with friends and playing drinking games. After that it was just sitting around and talking, which Michelle and I continued at my place until the sun came up. I woke up at a little after 12 and went straight to the computer. Checked my mail, Facebook and decided to write this entry.

Half day gone and this is Christmas this year. Will be going out to play snow later I guess since there's no bus running today, which means watching movie is out of the list. Oh well...maybe Christmas can still be saved...Joyeux Noël!

Happy Christmas

Few more hours to Christmas. For the first time since I can remember, I'm not looking forward to Christmas. I've tried everything I could to try and bring the Christmas spirit, but this year's celebration just seems so bleak that there doesn't seem to be any point trying to put the spirit or cheer in the air. All I can think about is that maybe the new year would have something nice to offer and help me put everything behind me.

2008 was supposed to be my year, or so I thought and planned it to be. To be fair, it did start good and just as I had planned, then took a turn to be what I can call the pinnacle of the year. Thing is, things just started going downhill from then on. Now all I can picture is a bell shaped graph...and I'm ironically laughing at it because I was kinda hoping for a much better picture but instead I had to come up with the lamest representation.

Coming over to ISU was what I thought to be the best thing to happen in my old old long and draggy life. I am happy here in a lot of ways and it's not the place that's bringing all this depression in me. I just wish that after all the hopes and hard work put in, things just didn't go to waste and end up the way it ended. Coping with it during normal days is bad enough, but Christmas just makes it unbearable.

I miss my girlfriends back home. We grew up well and I'd like to believe that, life is just playing one of its tricks on us...

...

Finally updating my blog. I've been so swamped with exams and some personal going ons that I've barely had enough time to sleep. And now that exams are over, I'm stuck with my after exam insomnia syndrome. Well here goes nothing...

First Christmas away from home. Looks like I'm not the only one doing something new for Christmas this year because the family had to stay in Sandakan since Lina went back to Indonesia and Aunty Ita and the girls are spending Christmas in Kundasang. Poor Moing, I'm sure it would break her heart to not be spending her Christmas as per tradition but I'm sure she understands. I just wish she didn't have to feel that disappointment during Christmas.

There really doesn't seem to be much going on after the exams. Had some emotional burnout drinking session last Friday which was long overdue on my behalf anyway, and us Taylor's ADP dinner on Saturday as a treat from Carien. After that I've pretty much done almost nothing except stay at home and hang out at Ruey's. So seriously, the holiday forecast seems to be pretty much looking bleak except for maybe the party at CB's tomorrow.

I actually really don't have anything to write about except for that garbled version. I guess the only reason I wrote this entry was because someone rubbed me the wrong way when he said what's the use of my blog if I didn't update it *wink*. I'm hitting the sack now. Another day without accomplishing anything and I'm still not done with that Christmas decorations. Sigh...

Voiceless

Finally something to shut me up. Hahaha...

I never realized this morning when I woke up that I lost my voice, mainly because there was nobody to talk to anyway. The only reason I found out was because I got a call from the Ames Police Alert about the murder that happened in West Ames this morning. My "hello" came barely above a whisper and I was practically horrified especially since I had to work. Though I have to admit not as horrified as the fact that I had to work until 5pm and come home when it's already dark with that murder story freaking me out. And yes before any of you say it out...I'm paranoid and I know it.

In the end I didn't work until 5pm since it was pointless to stay there and work when I could barely talk and I did need to talk to the customers. Drowning myself with hot peppermint and honey drinks was more because it tastes good although it did feel good on my throat. Plus it did help me get back at least 50% of my voice back. I came back home took a big sip on the cough syrup and took a nap (I love how those things make you drowsy).

Now hours later after not talking since I got home I realized my voice is gone yet again...darn!

*cough* *cough*

I've finally succumbed to the flu. When I finally thought that I was getting over it since coming back from Minneapolis, I took the turn for the bad and ended up missing class and work today. Darn the flu! I really needed to work today too!

Thanksgiving in Minneapolis (well more like only the evening) was really fun. After being in Ames for so long, finally we saw buildings, but most importantly staying in the city again! Sure the first night dinner wasn't anything great since most places were closed, but it was fun exploring the city while it was quiet and you could more or less do whatever you wanted without much eyes on you.

The first shopping spree at the outlet lasted for neearly 7 hours. I never knew I could shop that long. But I have to say we girls were a good shopping team. LOL! We shopped from 11.30pm until 6am and came back to the car with loads of stuff. Come to think of it, we didn't even get to finish walking around the whole outlet too, because we were so exhausted in the end and hungry too. From the outlet we moved on to BestBuy to see electronics, which we found to be cheaper online anyway. Finally got back at the hotel at 9am and proceeded to sleep until 2.30pm.

At 6.30pm we were off to Mystic Lake Casino, where Wooi Hau and I analyzed the place and applied what we learnt from American Indian class (yup we're total nerds). After that huge buffet meal where I stuffed myself with turkey, we explored the casino and took some crazy pictures (mostly just Carien and me). Back at the hotel, there wasn't much to do and we ended up wathing Hooters swim suit competition on TV, which seriously wasn't fun at all. Carien and I then slept "early" so we could head out to Macy's the next day at 7.30am before we checked out of the hotel.

Day 3 was another shopping frenzy, but only lasted in the morning for me because by then I spent a lot in Macy's. But I have to say it was well worth it! Breakfast was dim sum, and it felt like home even if it was expensive and not as good as home and we had to wait for more than 30mins for a table. Then it was to the Mall of America, where I decided to walk with the guys since walking with the girls was a further temptation to shop. Ended up going to the Hooters bar with them, which I have got to say was a disappointment, but maybe not to the guys. Dinner was at Peninsular - a Malaysian restaurant in Minneapolis. After dinner it was back to Ames again.

So that pretty much sums the whole trip. Got back home a little before 2am, and I was so exhausted by then. Still...I have got to say, money well spent!

perception of Perfection

Ever been in a time where you thought that life was going well and that it was okay? Not perfect...just good enough for you to know that you're happy doing the things you do and fighting for the things you want. Then along comes something that you wouldn't have thought possible, because you think that it's something only wished for but never a reality? You live it, and it's the best thing to have ever happened to you. If you once thought that you were content with your life, having this new thing filled every void in your life especially those you never knew existed and those you've denied yourself of. Then you think that maybe complete and perfect happiness is not impossible after all.

To lose what you've perceived as perfection is nothing short of devastating. Everything crumbles and the worst part is that, you can't even go back to the life you've had before it. Because now you've experienced the one thing that has made you whole and complete. Losing it makes you as vulnerable as the most fragile of glass.

You then gain some sense of balance again...just enough to brave a smile for show. But every second, you wonder why did you ever allow yourself to touch perfection. It was better not knowing...better thinking of it as something imaginary, which could only be fantasized about.

Because...the next stage of lost is the feeling of not being good enough to hold on and to have perfection. You spend endless hours thinking where you went wrong and why you're not good enough. Friends starts commenting on how tired you look, how your eyes seem more vacant as the days go by. And all you have to say to it is stress and over work.

You were better not knowing. You were better off content and just working your way to chasing your dreams...yet perfection came and took everything away. And there you are...a thousand pieces of puzzle not knowing where to start again. Half wishing to have perfection again...half wishing it never came to your life.