Well it's another end. It's been both good and bad but most of all extremely fast. But if I were to sum it all up, I would say that 09 has been amazing. Met up with those I've been out of touch with for so long and have had people in my life whom within a short period of time have come to mean so much to me. To them I owe so much for the great times and the support.
I really can't believe Fall 09 is finally over. Really I can't even begin to describe how hectic I feel this semester has been, yet nothing of it was exactly out of the ordinary. Maybe it was the things happening around me. All I know is that I feel drained and wish nothing more than rest and stress free within the next 3 weeks.
We learn a lot from the people around us. Despite being half crazed most of the time, I've learned a lot from those clowns who are always around. It really made me rethink things about myself. I just hope that, like them I do have something to offer to people as well. Not that it needs to be acknowledged, just that it would be nice to believe that there is something in me to offer just as they have.
I'm really pissed with someone. You really should have tried giving some better lame excuse. Wish I could throw a punch in your face. Make that two.
I poem by E.E Cummings I've always liked and forgot until now
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
My heart) I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
By only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear
No fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
No world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
Higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
Keep my thumb drives linked together by a keychain anymore. To think I thought I lost it with all my important assignments in it ended the last day of the semester real bad. *Sigh* Friday still sounds like a 'The dog ate my homework" day.
Today is Ah Sin's birthday. Almost 7 years since he's gone and went away. He was so full of life when he was alive. Always with a smile. Never have I ever remembered him without one. Every single time I pass by Sin Sang Lee to turn to wave he always smiled and waved. What he and Sainty had together for that 6 years, was something I could only dream and wish on having.
It's been a long time since I updated my blog. A lot has been going on and of course that that hasn't as well. Back in Ames again and going on week 7 into classes. Another busy semester...yada...yada...same old...same old.
*raises glass* Here's to an effing life!
I've come to a place in life where it's either this or that and nothing in between. Unfortunately unlike the ones that I've been through before, this one plagues me no end. I'm pressured to making a decision and either way, not making one is killing me as much as making one. Truth be told, I really don't know where to go from here.
Advices and opinions that come pouring in doesn't seem as helpful. I'm not ungrateful, but both makes a lot of sense equally. In the end, I'm left debating all my points and their points and still very much indecisive in my decision.
I really wish that I could just push matters aside. The only thing is that, day by day it occupies a bigger part of what is on my mind. Being busy doesn't help, going home makes things worse since there's nothing much to do, and everything I did this weekend that helped lessen it if not all really went to waste after coming back home. A new hairdo and shopping barely made a dent to this steely feeling. It's been another expensive weekend; one I can't afford to repeat a third time around.
I've finally come to understand that annoying *slits wrist* expression. I used to be so annoyed about it, but in the past few days it's the only thing that seems to pop into mind. No, I'm not being suicidal here nor am I using it for the same reason the last person I knew who used it. I'm just saying that it's been popping a lot in my head recently and I don't know why but it does complement my current mood and worries.
*rolls eyes* Cheers...
It's been a really good weekend. For the first time since everything has happened I'm feeling much calmer. I've been distracted and pretty much too occupied to think about it. Most of all...I've slept.I've forgotten what it's like to have such a restful sleep instead of just sleep. It really was the right decision to stay over at Edna's place for the weekend.
OMG...the BOREDEOM of it all!!!!!! I'm seriously dying here at the office with nothing to do. I've made all the calls...I've finished the report of yesterday's meeting and now I'm stuck with nothing to do. I've done everything that needs to be done and I'm really feeling bored right now.
Finally I understand Sip Chen's belly aching about being bored in the office. Seriously, please just give me something to do. It doesn't seem nice to be seating here reading my book although I'm really itching to continue reading it. There's nothing much to surf online, since I really have no idea what to surf for anyway.
That's it. The moment the clock turns 5.30pm, I'll punch my card and walk out the door. Oh the boredom...the BOREDOM.....
I got the news of MJ's death on the radio in the car this morning. By the time I reached the office my Facebook and Twitter pages were already flooded with condolences from friends and by noon memorial signing for him was already set up on FB. His death pretty much over shadowed the news of Farrah Fawcett's passing, who is more likely to be remembered in the 1970's Charlie's Angels.
Being brought up with MJ's songs (and country songs and oldies) and my parents reminiscing about the TV series Charlie's Angels, I wish I could say that I mourned with the other millions the lost of two talents; but the only thing that ran through my mind was 'go out and LIVE your life'. The same thing that ran through my mind when I got to know about Catherine's passing.
There's so many things in the past, which I wish I did or at least had the guts to do. Most of the time, my gutsy feeling kicks in just a little too late. So yeah, here I am on a Friday determined to make a new resolution (even if it is a little too late into the year). From now on, it's about making the best of things and not over thinking stuff. And maybe...just maybe...I'll learn to swallow a bit more of my pride and not let it stand in the way of something I've sworn I've learned my lesson from close ones; where too late is all about regrets and bittersweet memories locked in a drawer, brought out once in a while drawing nothing but tears and pain.
There's so many things on my mind. Being swamped with work doesn't seem to be helping much in pushing them out. Most of the time they lurk somewhere at the back despite my needing my utmost attention at work.
So what's a girl gotta do? OK well been listening to Matthew Mayfield - First In Line over and over again for the past two days. Pathetic? Yup I hear ya. If my Ipod could say something it would have long since told me to change to another song or just kill it already. But the thing is that the song kind of have this really calming effect.
I really can't wait for Sainty to get here next month. We've both already have the whole evening planned out. Dinner, a bottle of wine or champagne and a whole night of catching up over the past year. So many things have happened since we've left high school. Sometimes I wonder if I really am my age or should I be older because of all that has happened.
I've always loved this song...and I just loved this version by Igrid Michaelson. Those who watch OTH would know this song from Lucas' and Peyton's wedding ceremony.
There are times in life when the rule 'The Right Time' does not apply. When you need to just follow your heart and take the plunge into whatever it is that brings you happiness. I didn't use to think that way, and I thought Bren crazy when she told me she was getting married the same day I got to know she was in a relationship. She then proceeded to ask me, "So when is the right time?" I replied her, "Later". She prompted me again, "When is later? There would always be a later. There's no such thing as the right time. It feels right now..."
Today chatting with Michelle on Facebook reminded me again about that conversation. It's true...when is the right time? There's always reasons to not do something, to say it isn't the right time even if everything is already in place. Spontaneity might not necessarily be spontaneous if you get what I mean. Like Bren, Mich followed her heart. I thought it was a joke when I saw her status on FB. In her place, I would not have had the guts to do it. Even with the right guy, I doubt I would have because being me, my heart and my mind always say two different things. But Michelle, she followed her heart, grabbed this wonderful chance to be with the person who completes her...and is getting hitched in Chile this Thursday. I really can't be any more happy for her than what I feel now.
Things really are different when you're happier. You look different, you sound different (well ok...that's pretty much obvious)...and even the way you chat seems way more chirpy (apparently). I never did realize that until coming back home over the summer and having close friends saying how I seem much happier with my life now. I have to say they couldn't be more RIGHT!
Last semester was a total chaos for me. Not only was I depressed most weekends, but half of my mind was always occupied with worries that I could have done very much without. Back then getting up and putting up a happy demeanor was simply exhausting...and once everything just fell apart I went from tired to seriously almost nearing nervous breakdown (or maybe I did). The slightest thing made me cry, which of course surprised those closest to me and just made them worry especially since they weren't somewhere nearby. Well whatever it is...I'm just glad that episode is over and good riddance to it.
I guess this semester have got to be the best. For once, I actually decided to take things slow and easy without a stick up my arse. Yeah...there were times when all those tests and deadlines were killing me, but nothing huge or crazy. I'm glad I had all those people around me this semester to actually keep all the cheer - both new and old. As for those who mean a lot to me in ISU...well no names need to be mentioned. You guys know who you are =)
And...that slight dip in my grade...TOTALLY WORTH IT! (I know it sounds crazy coming from me...even for me)
I'm exhausted! The only reason I'm actually blogging is because I can't get my butt out of bed. Work was pretty interesting today. Went on field for the first time, since Terry thinks that it's time I learned something other than sit at the office and make calls the whole day. Mom thought that meant I was going into some jungle, forgetting the fact that this daughter of hers is unfortunately not the outdoor, jungle trekking, mud loving kind of person. I've had enough of that growing up and going on those office-family outings.
Anyway back to what I was saying...
Meeting up with potential clients really is interesting. I only wished that I've already had the time to buy myself new pair of shoes. My heels practically killed me. Every time I managed to sit down, I was just so relieved that my poor feet had time to rest. Plus walking down the stairs and uneven roads/sidewalks is a real challenge. Anyway, I had to deal talking to one of the most unfriendliest people ever. Enough to make me not ever wanting to work in the sales department involving this kind of industry.
No...no...no...I still love my major. I'm still not going to consider changing it. I just wished that I got the chance to practice French over the summer. I guess I should start practicing with Andrew K. If only I had the time to go for French classes here. I just feel that soon I'm gonna end up staying at the office til late.
*Urgh* I had better get my lazy butt out of bed. Need to get started with work. Deadline...deadline...
So it's a Saturday and here I am sitting at my desk in the office. Mosquito bitten, over dressed (I didn't know Saturday meant we could wear t-shirts and bermuda pants) and not even 9am I'm already looking forward to 1pm when I get off work and head home for an afternoon of shopping and later a 'righteous' nap (ZiTing, 2009)
I really can't wait to hang out with a new bunch of people Jo introduced to me last night. If it's going to be anything like last night, then I'm definitely sure that it's forecasting to be an absolutely awesome Saturday night. That, coupled with the probability of meeting the ever so hyper Ms Phoon is enough for me to cancel going back to Edna's for the weekend and just meet up for lunch/dinner sometime tomorrow. Hahaha...
Yesterday evening was simply what I needed after a long week. I'm glad we ditched the idea of Angels and Demons and just hung out at TGIF almost the whole evening. I can't remember the last time I've had so much fun hanging out with a really funny mixed crowd. All those tales and funny antics was really just the best dosage to help me kick off my weekend and look forward to tonight. Thanks to Camille, I'm definitely going to Zouk just to see how he can transform from RAWR! to Purrrrrr....
Well that's a whole day planned and it's 9am so it's time to start work - a whole pile of handbook contract.
It's not the big gestures I crave,
Well here are some pictures from Drake's MASA Night 2009. Still can't believe the amount of Taylor-ians over there! Chloe and I were amazed how it seemed to be back in Taylor's again. But the night was fun and it was great to catch up with the Taylor people and those from the Spring Break...namely our Little Ball of Sunshine aka Jason.
The soon-to-be housemates
Where Chloe and I realized how tall Zi Ting actually is...
Because restrooms always have better lighting...
with Andrew...
with some Drake Taylor-ians
The day really just began with annoyance. Was late for French class for 10 minutes, but then it was the first time in the whole semester so...yeah. As for my presentation, I just couldn't wait for it to be over and I'm betting that I was talking as though I was competing against the world's fastest talker. Later what happened after English class is just...*sigh* well...let's just say it would have been nice if it were possible to erase it.
The colloquialism "Kicking myself in the butt" really fits. I'm just glad that the bus ride home more or less cleared my head a bit. What I would really need now though is to talk to Joanna on the phone. I wish it wasn't so late back home...so much for looking forward to a Friday...
Happy Good Friday and Easter...
Aarati says I worry too much. She's right. I can't help it though. Sometimes I think it's what I do best. Funny how this thing is really bugging me now and making me worried as ever. I seriously wished it were over; I guess worry took its place instead. Maybe things would be fine in a few days.
Pala said I've turned into a softy. Jo said I've always been one and the toughie was just an act. That's because it was ok to be such a girl in front of her. I tried being a meanie a couple of times over the past week. It only made me feel worse than ever. It doesn't necessarily means I'm a softy...I just changed. I can still be that person when really ticked. This however, just didn't warrant it.
Still feeling tons of worry. Add a touch of guilt to it...but it needed to be said. Just wish I didn't have this nagging worry feeling.
Signed,
The Worrier
It's been a real long while since I've last posted something on my blog. Every single time I feel like writing something I end up posing my fingers above the keyboard and end up with nothing. But today, today I finally do have something to say and to think I should be using this time to do some last minute going over for my French test.
Well...first week back from Spring Break, and the weather couldn't be more uncooperative. Sure it reflects the after break mood, but a little sunshine could help cheer the mood. The weeks really seems draggy and long and the four tests I'm having this week certainly doesn't help in the least. The good thing however is that I've went to church this Sunday. I've actually forgotten how calm I feel in church, and how whatever troubles I have doesn't seem that bad once I'm there. So sitting there at the back row on Sunday evening was really what I needed especially with the thing that's been bothering me so much.
The best part of finding myself back to church? I remember once again that the Lord doesn't leave you no matter what. That at a time where you begin to forget his presence and feel lost and troubled, he helps you draw strength from the people around you. That you once again feel blessed to have all these wonderful people who just by presence sends you the Lord's message.
I finally feel much calmer then I've been on Sunday night and Monday. I feel that I finally know what to do and have made my decision on it. Perhaps I did change after that bad episode I went through last year, but I do hope that the change doesn't mean that I'm a much weaker person than I was before it.
till Spring Break! I really can't wait to go to Chicago. I've already been good enough for staying back during Winter Break, which I still don't know how I managed to. So now, I think I really deserve this break plus the fact that I can't wait to hang out with my girls.
Today's been such a beautiful day! I didn't even need my hoodie to walk around. Hahaha...and to think in Malaysia at 14C I would have been freezing. Now I just have no idea how am I gonna adapt to Sandakan weather again. Thank goodness I'm only spending a month there. Just enough time to spend with the family and not get bored to death in the place.
So what else is new? Well the fact that I don't have much to do is something new. I feel so lost not being busy. I have all this time on my hands and I really don't know what to do with it. Well I would spend it watching tons of movies if it weren't for the fact that my laptop has been dying on me. But I have been reading again, and it's good to be back into it even if progress really is slow.
Hurm...Friday tomorrow...maybe I should have meat today for dinner. Hahahaha...and put a reminder for myself that meat is a NO NO NO for tomorrow. Urgh....*stretches* I just love it when the weekend rolls in again. C'est parfait, n'est ce pas?
I've been so swamped with work since my last entry and finally it's Friday (again) and this time knowing that there's no major tests or assignments within the next 2 weeks before Spring Break. So here I am on a very cold Friday evening, at my table, listening to Come What May - OST Moulin Rouge, blogging.
It's really been a crazy week; Down with the flu with three tests to study for, caught in an extremely long meeting and a four page long marketing essay to write on. So seriously, I am simply relieved that it's the weekend again. I know that I said I love being busy, which is of course true but of course that also includes having enough rest as well, which I've barely had since like in about 5 weeks. And for the past few days, I actually think that my body is giving in to tiredness because I've missed my alarm clock twice (an incoming text message could normally wake me up).
I really have no idea what I'll be doing this evening. Working on my assignments seem to just take the weekend mood away for tonight. I guess my next best option is to do one of my TV series marathon or get lost in that Nelson DeMille book I'm currently reading. Yeah...yeah...that sounds more like it...
*Stretches* Well...off to take a shower...
I know how I've kept saying to myself how much I would love to try to blog in French. Still, my French is still too limited for me to actually blog. So just to make me feel good I'm posting my essay homework instead. For those of you who speaks French, yes I know it sounds like a 10 year old's essay. Cut me some slack please...
Mon cherie,
Merci beaucoup de toi lettre. J’ai été très heureux lire votre lettre. La plupart du temps je suis très active et très occupée parce qu’il y a toujours tant de étudie à faire chaque jour.
D’habitude, pendant la semaine, j'ai des classes chaque jour et j’ai travaille deux fois par semaine. Je déjeuner avec mes amis à Memorial Union alors que je vais à la maison. Le soir, j’ai étudie dans ma chambre. Normalement, je mange dine pendant que j’étudie. J’étudie pendant six heures chaque soir. Je dors à deux heures demi, quelquefois je dors à trois heures. J’ai beaucoup de mes devoirs chaque jour. Oh, mon dieu!
Pendant le week-end dernier, j’ai sors avec mes amis le vendredi soir au cinéma. Ensuite, nous allons chez mon amie pour écouté la musique. Enfin j'ai chez moi pour dormi. Le samedi matin, je me lève tôt pour travaillé. Apres travaille je m’amuse avec mes amis chez eux. Nous allons joué aux cartes et nous regardé un film à la télévision. Dimanche matin, j'ai à l’église seule. Ensuite, je déjeuné seule chez moi pendant je fait la lessive. L’après-midi, je fait mes devoirs et j’étudié à la bibliothèque.
Ma semaine n'est normalement pas intéressante. C’est la vie, n’est-ce pas ? Et vous ? Qu’est-ce que vous-avez la semaine et le week-end ?
Bonne semestre !
Votre Amie,
Cynthia
So that's basically how far I go in French. It's still full of mistake because I have to admit I forgot all about it until a few hours before class. Hahahaha...yup that's me the all time procrastinator! But, this time it was because I've been pretty much swamped with tests. Well back to reading pages and pages of boring facts. Darn!
So here's a week overdue of last week's pictures. I have to say I love these pictures. It was taken at Phillip's place over at Mayfield. The best part of that night's fun was that it was a very much spontaneous alternative to the evening's plan. So who says you need clubs and or tons of people to have an equal-to-party fun? But I can't deny that last night's party really was one of the more fun ones *smiles*
So I know and am completely aware that it's a week past the due date to my promising to blog. In my defense, I was horribly busy last weekend and even the weekend didn't bring in the much needed sleep for me. But I have to say that it was well spent and as for sleep...nyeh!
Anyway the reason I'm spending my early Saturday morning is because I had a really enlightening educational experience last night (hahahaha...). We went to this somewhat what our mothers would call a "Tupperware" party. You know where they show all the latest tupperwares or maybe those new kitchen stuff get together they always have? Well this was certainly a get together at looking for new things but definitely not something for the household. Hahahaha...I'll leave the pictures as a clue.
Yup! These were part of the stuffs too. Getting a bit more idea here *wink*. Nothing like vibrators and handcuffs to spice the bedroom scene huh???
Well here's a little something I'll leave to your imagination and guessing. Just feel free to guess and I'll see if you come up with the right answer.
This cute birdie thing doesn't only look cute, but serves a very fulfilling purpose too. LOL
And here we are with our penis shaped candies. They were mint flavored. Too bad there wasn't the boobies shaped ones last night.
A whip, handcuffs and penis pen tops. Who said deciding to stay in Friday night was necessarily boring anyway??
Chloe trying out one of the lingeries. And yeah they're over her clothes, but then they had a strict no trying policy and well if she had then there wouldn't be this picture.I really want to blog...but I've been nothing but exhausted this week. *big smile* It's nice to be this busy again despite having to sleep late and be tired. I promise to blog this weekend. At the moment I'm just so exhausted from a really long day. My own mistake; I accidentally signed up for 2 duties for AKPsi without realizing the dates. Thank goodness it didn't clash! Till this weekend!
After a week of classes, I finally feel the semester kicking off. Work load has already begun the warm up to a really hectic semester ahead. Strange as it seems, the workload offers me a kind of comfort of being back to familiar grounds. After last semester, I pretty much feel that it's time to get my head back together and the winter break was the very thing I needed to just pull everything back into place.
So I'm honestly welcoming the whole pile of workload. I'm loving 3 of my classes this sem and I just can't wait to get rid of library and I'm pretty much using this long weekend to complete all 5 assignments. I just really hope I'm going manage doing it, because I still haven't looked at what's due for French. Hahahaha...this really can't be happening! It's only the first week and I'm already procrastinating? A resolution should be made even if it's late in the day.
I'm glad Zi Ting threw a party on Friday. It was just a good ending to the busy week and kickoff to the beginning of this semester. Now I just can't wait for the kari laksa dinner at Micky's. That's just going to be another yummy one. Micky always cooks the best food...hehehe...
Melodie in her ISU cheerleading outfit with matching pompoms.
Babeng with the christmas wreath around her neck. I think she looks amazingly funny even if she did hate having it hanging on her neck.Day 3 of classes and it's not any better than day 1. In fact the weather is going from worse to worst and an upcoming torturous.
The day began with me being late for class. I'm still trying to figure out how did that happen because the last time I checked I was still on time. Thank goodness I didn't miss the bus. But the wind...the wind was horrible! First of all it was blowing at an average of 30km/h and with it blew those snow on the ground and trees and a feels like temperature of -30C to boot! So thank goodness I got Khuan to help me buy my contacts or it'll be crazy to wear glasses.
Anyway, I was 5 mins late for French. I barely managed to catch my breath before the levvez vous began. I think we had about 5 rounds of that today and all I wanted was to answer ASAP because I wanted to sit down and catch my bloody breath. Though, I have to say I stand corrected about John Pierre's class. I'm actually beginning to enjoy them despite of the levvez vous.
So after French I had 10 mins to figure out where Roberts Hall was and to make an amazingly quick dash over there in the cold wind. The rule of the game though was to not slip and fall on my big flat butt and to get there in record time. Thank goodness that girl from class (I have to find out her name) walked me all the way to MU and sort of pointed me into the right way even if I was just confused with her directions. Half way between MU and Roberts, to which I was confused which building to go to I asked this guy who was walking past me where Roberts was. He turned out to be from Carien's (and some other few) class and was really really nice. He decided to walk back with me to Roberts even though at that point he could have just pointed out the building to me (OK let me dwell here for a moment and be perasan). The rest of the class was kinda boring though, since I haven't gotten my book for the class yet.
Next class - MIS 330. Again another walk in the cold. It was seriously really cold and I desperately needed to pee, so I guess that made it feel colder. I was practically freezing while walking because I was sans scarf and long johns since I was late and could barely manage to walk. Thank goodness MIS was interesting and Marketing class right after was fun too.
After class I checked out my to-do-list:
